25
by tikitikirevenge
Summary: Everybody dies – 25 people are about to discover how mortal they are. Comedy, evil, and tragedy come together. Who will be killed? Who is the killer? They know it’s one of them…
1. Afterthought

_**25**_

_Everybody dies,  
Nobody is perfect,  
Anybody has secrets,  
Somebody has a deadly one.  
25 people are about to discover just how mortal they are…_

* * *

**By _tikitikirevenge_ and _hoogiman_**

_Forward and legal note by tikitikirevenge:_

Al teh cahrcters in tihs stoari r pwn3d bi N1nt3nd0. 0NLy l0s3rs d0nt b3l13ve taht.

For those of you who prefer real writing:

All the characters in this story are owned by Nintendo. Only losers don't believe that.

* * *

By now, you'll probably want to know what crazy stunt I've concocted this time. Well, it's actually quite simple. The Smash Brothers, while taking some downtime in Master Hand's supplied accommodation (dubbed the "Smash Mansion"), are suddenly and slowly being killed off. Each chapter will focus _mainly_ on one particular character's side of the story. There are a few important things you should know if you're seriously going to try to work out who is responsible for the deaths.

**1** We will not describe every minute detail of a character's day. A conversation Mario has with (for example) Link may be glossed over in Mario's version of events and covered in extreme detail in Link's chapter. And I'll just point out that in chapter 2, the perpetrator of a minor crime will be painfully obvious, although we won't say who did it, even in that character's chapter.

**2** We will never say outright that a character is dead. You might see, '"He's dead," said Ganondorf', but you won't see 'and so Pikachu died', unless we are _absolutely sure_ that we won't bring the character back.

**3** We will not say outright who kills a character. You might see, 'Mario leant down and put his fingers on Yoshi's throat, but even after half a minute, he couldn't feel the slightest pulse'. However, you won't see 'Mario strangled Yoshi, then told the others he couldn't feel a pulse'.

**4** Because of the first three things, note this: the last person we talk about may not be the killer – are you sure the others have expired?

Let's get this straight: I and my brother came up with this story _before_ people started putting their bad murder mysteries onto and _before_ people started putting their good murder mysteries- oh, wait. There weren't any. Well, just so that you know that this wasn't really inspired by anything in particular except for the Super Smash Brothers games. The portrayal of these characters probably doesn't reflect your or Nintendo's views, but _we_ find it funny, so you can **stick your objections up your** complaint box and file them _after_ this story is finished being posted.

And while not all of the characters in this story deserved their fates, most of them do. (I'm looking at you, Captain Falcon. And Ness. And Peach. And Mewtwo. And Luigi. And… okay, they all deserved their fates.)

Yes, this has plot inconsistencies. Yes, the murderer is one of them. Yes, there will be clues and red herrings inserted every five words **Luigi** or so when you read **Jigglypuff** the story (and this **Fox** note).

And in case I don't insert another big note like this again, good mornin', good evening, and good knight. Get it? Knight? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha… right, I'll shut up.

* * *

The following chapter was created by **tikitikirevenge** and **hoogiman** and written by **tikitikirevenge**.

* * *

**1 - Afterthought**

_Mario is a plumber with Italian origins. He has a few enemies in the form of the King of Koopas, Bowser; his brother, Luigi (mildly); his rival, Wario and the ape Donkey Kong, and a few good friends in the form of Bowser, Luigi (just kidding), Wario and Donkey Kong. He wears red and blue overalls. He is male. He has saved the Mushroom Kingdom numerous times, and he **deserves his fate**._

* * *

12.00 AM

Mario woke up.

"Oh no!" he said.

Mario went back to sleep.

* * *

12.01 AM

Mario woke up.

"Oh no again!" he said.

Mario went back to sleep.

* * *

12.02 AM

Mario redid the tired joke.

* * *

12.03 AM

And again.

* * *

3.30 AM

Mario woke up yet again.

"I must-a have sleeping problems."

Little did he realise that he was going to die- oops, that's for later. Meanwhile, he got a hot drink (oil, as plumbers like oil), drank it, tripped over Pikachu, and went back to bed.

* * *

Perhaps I should clarify the situation. The Smash Brothers were a group of 24 famous/popular/important Nintendo characters (Mario, Luigi, DK, Yoshi, Peach, **_BOWSER!_**, Pikachu, Pichu, Mewtwo, Jigglypuff, Captain Falcon, Fox, Falco, Mr Game & Watch, the Ice Climbers, Link, Zelda, Young Link, Ganondorf, Samus, Roy, Marth and Kirby). Along with their host, Master Hand, they made 25 people with exciting backgrounds and great futures ahead of them (at least, if I didn't kill them all off slowly). And before you tell me that there are **more** than 25 people on that list, the Ice Climbers are small enough to only count as one person. And as for Young Link and Ness, they're not small where it truly counts. OH. Sorry.

These Smash Brothers were taking downtime in the middle of an exciting tournament (try reading tiki's style guide for an example). They were using Master Hand's giant summer house as accommodation, better known as the "Smash Mansion". This was large and had plenty of space for all of them. For the most part, they all got along well. TEHN THE MURDRER KILD TEHM. Sorry.

* * *

The night was more or less uneventful for Mario, except that he had a dream for once. It was a very pleasant dream… _his secret hero, Wario, was congratulating him for winning the 'Wario' award. Then a group of female Warios in bikinis walked up to Mario and made cooing noises. He floated back and ended up in a red room with molten sugar dripping from the ceiling, and the female Warios were standing there, waiting for him. They opened their mouths and moaned softly. Mario moaned in response, and took off his overalls, stretching his limbs and licking his lips in anticipation. The Wario women reached over invitingly and pulled off his underwear, freeing his-_

Mario woke up and saw Jigglypuff the Pokemon hanging onto the lightbulb in his room.

"WAAGH!" he shouted, jumping off the bed.

He recovered slightly, turned to see what Jigglypuff (a.k.a. Stupid Individual no. 2) was doing. She appeared to be watering the light bulb.

"Little Pokemon," said Mario, "you do-a realise that the bulb will not-a grow?"

Jigglypuff looked at him, puzzled, tried to think of something to say, realised that thinking was _very exhausting_, and fainted.

Mario shrugged as 'pink puffball no. 1' rolled out of the room, unconscious. "I'm up. Bright and-a early," he said. "The healthy thing to do." He smiled, hummed slightly, and turned to his dresser.

* * *

6.36 AM

While all _seemed_ quiet in the Smash Mansion this early in the morning, as a matter of fact, many of the Smashers led lively, wild lives even in the morning. Some of them didn't even have to imagine it!

An easy demonstration of this would be the fact that Mario opened his bedroom door straight into Ness' face as he came out.

"Ow…" moaned Ness. "What was that for – oh, wait… you aren't psychic. Uh… watch what you're doing." He staggered away, looking dizzy.

"The house is so-a peaceful," said Mario to himself. "Nothing violent would-a ever happen here."

Thinking, he chuckled.

"Nobody would expect _murder_ here…" he finished. He might not realise it, but by the end of the day, murder would be foremost on everyone's minds.

* * *

6.40 AM

The Smash Mansion was three stories high, plus an unused attic and an old basement/cellar underground. Most of the bedrooms were on the second or third level (I won't say floor; I won't say floor). This was because they afforded a better view, because it gave Master Hand an excuse to build truly elegant fire escapes, and because bedrooms are more dramatic when they are high up. (I recently bought a book on how to write run-of-the-mill stories. It's excellent reading, although somewhat like all of the other writing guides out there.)

Mario's bedroom was on the second floor, so he only had to walk down one flight of stairs to reach the master kitchen (named, of course, after Master Hand). His intention was to get himself a glass of orange juice. Milk was absolutely out of the question after Young Link's insistence on removing all non-Lon Lon Milk from the premises. That stuff was disgustingly sweet, and apparently – disgustingly – natural! Obviously Young Link knew nothing about the way things worked around here. Nature was evil. Only heavily manufactured and processed products were even worth giving consideration to.

Mario arrived in the kitchen to find Ness again, as well as Kirby ('pink puffball no. 2'). "What are you two doing-a here?" he asked curiously.

"Uh…" said Kirby. "Nothing… evil… heh heh…" He quickly ran into the fridge and closed the door to avoid scrutiny.

"Nothing important," said Ness. "Kirby just wants to enter this competition run by a catering company. There are food prizes."

"Oh," said Mario. That was certainly not unexpected. Kirby was very good at going to extreme measures to procure as much food as Dreamlanderly possible. "So what are you doing?"

Ness blushed. "Me? Oh… I'm… helping him fill in forms. That's the truth."

"The whole truth?" said Mario, feeling that something was being kept from him.

Ness blushed even more furiously and dived into the fridge after Kirby.

"Strange," said Mario. He opened the fridge, and Ness and Kirby dashed out past him. Mario again shrugged, used to the antics of the kids. He got out some frozen baken (I meant bacon. Really) and then turned on the fryer.

"I think I'll cook a bit extra in case anyone else comes down."

This was a good idea, as the kitchen was almost the no. 1 meeting place in the house, where everyone seemed to run into each other, and, of course, go for small snacks and meals (Kirby sometimes set camp there to avoid walking too much in his sleep).

The main problem, of course, with cooking in a place like this was the alarmingly high frequency of unexploded ordinance in the kitchens. While nobody was willing to take the blame for the helicopter which had dumped the gunpowder inside the day before, everyone was slightly suspicious of Bowser, who had been heard phoning someone earlier that day and talking about that. Mario had already adjusted to this slight discrepancy and walked _around_ the landmines.

"I'm-a walking _around_ the landmines," he hummed to himself. "Around… landmines… in the kitchen…"

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

See? If you don't like it, you have an excuse to stop reading. Now shut up and read.

* * *

6.55 AM

Mario finished cooking a large platter of fried bacon, done in styles varying from 'rare' to 'charcoal' (but, sadly, no 'edible'). As he did, Captain Falcon (Stupid Individual no. 3) entered the room.

"Yo, baby! Woah! Zoom! I'm a race car driver! Wanna party? Badda boom! That's, like, the extent of my vocabulary! Dude!"

"Hello-a, Captain," said Mario in a sing-song voice, gingerly biting a piece of bacon which was still on fire.

"Hey, Marth… I mean, Mario. That cooking looks a little… un-cool."

Mario nodded. "My speciality is plumbing." He looked up hopefully. "Do you need plumbing help?"

"No," said Captain Falcon, scratching his groin. "All this talk about plumbing makes me feel like talking to the golden girl."

"What?" said Mario.

"Samus," said Falcon in a 'duh' voice. "_Duh_. You know? The one and only hot babe in the Mansion?"

Mario sighed. "The one who always responds to your repeated advances with-a violence?"

Captain Falcon glared at him, stuffed some raw (and frozen) bacon into his mouth, and left the room.

After another two minutes of experimentation, Mario gave up, dumped the badly cooked food into the bin, and got himself some cereal. He took the food over to the main dining room, which was conveniently located right next to the kitchen (Kirby thought that arrangement was very elegant).

Seeing that he was not alone, and that the mysterious (not really) elf, Link, was also seated at the table, Mario had the grace to mumble something with his mouth full.

"Good morning to you, too," said Link calmly. "Is anyone else up?"

Mario nodded. "As-a usual, the entire house woke up right at five."

"Naturally," said Link, before bursting into laughter and falling face-first into a bowl of soggy Rice Paps, before continuing to laugh, pound his fists on the table, and choke rather violently.

Mario picked up the newspaper and began to read.

* * *

_STUPID PEOPLE BURN DOWN BANK_

_A certain princess, Pokemon and F-Zero driver were reportedly seen running around on fire outside the local bank, which, as we know, exploded yesterday. This, of course, is a tabloid, so you can't really believe anything we write here, but as long as you keep buying this rag, we're not particularly concerned about this. And for legal reasons, we're not going to say anything about Peach, Jigglypuff or Captain Falcon, who are "obviously" not the aforementioned idiots._

_Sue that._

Mario frowned, confused. "I wonder who the paper is-a referring to?"

Link looked up from his bowl of oats. "That _is_ a tabloid. Only every **third** article they print has the slightest basis in truth."

"Good-a point," said Mario, looking back down to the paper as Pichu came in.

* * *

_TABLOID WRITES RUMOURS ABOUT ITSELF_

_A certain local tabloid paper, famous for its wild rumours, has, according to our source, been writing defamatory articles against itself, apparently accusing its writers of defaming the paper in the article._

_The fact that even the most low-grade, dirty newspaper would do something as horrid as hiring writers who would call their own employer "low-grade", "dirty" and responsible for "horrid" acts is amazing. This correspondent waits impatiently for himself to get fired._

* * *

"…chu chipi uchi?" "…_so can I?"_

"I'm sorry," said Mario, looking at Pichu. "What did you ask?"

Pichu sighed. "Pichi chipi chu chu chipa chu chu; chu chu; chu chu chuppa chuppa chu chu?" "_Are you done with that newspaper? I and my friends want to use it."_

Mario shook his head. "I'm-a reading it."

Pichu nodded, disappointed, to say the least. He walked out of the room, accidentally electrocuting himself in the process.

"Remember," said Link, looking vaguely in **your** direction, "only every **third** article in a tabloid is true."

"I wonder if that will have any significance?" said Mario, looking at the **third** and last headline on the front page.

* * *

_MURDERER IDENTIFIED?_

_A witness to the recent massacre said he saw the person who had gone on a rampage, killing hundreds of innocent people by playing baroque music to them for hours on end._

"_Yes," he said. "The – the killer! And more deaths will come! Why, no-one is safe. Not even the people in the bank, or the Smash Mansion." When asked exactly who the killer is, he paused dramatically, before suffering from a heart attack and dying._

_Fortunately, his close friend said that the secret had been confided in her. "It's ridiculous," she said. "The killer is-_

Mario burst into laughter.

"What?" said Link.

"This article thinks that one of us Smash Brothers…" he continued to laugh. "He thinks a Smash Brother is a killer!"

"Yeah, right," said Link.

"It even gives a name," the plumber added.

"Not interested," said Link. "I'll probably burst into laughter every time I see the person."

Mario thought about what Link had said, chuckled some more, and put the newspaper down.

"Well," said Mario. "Look at the time-a, Link!" Noticing Link had ignored him, Mario decided he should see Master Hand about people's behaviour in the house.

* * *

7.28 AM

Reaching Master Hand's office on the third and top floor, Mario was surprised to find the door locked. "Unusual," he said. Master Hand always said that his door was open. In fact, there was a sign on his door to that effect. It said, 'this door is always open'. Like I just implied.

Mario's brother, Luigi, walked towards him along the hallway.

"Hey, Luigi," said Mario. "Do you know why this door is locked-a?"

The only response he received was an icy stare. It's polite not to look over people's shoulders when they're typing, bro. Please stop doing that. _Thank_ you.

"What?" said Mario, feeling uncomfortable in the silence.

"We need to _talk_-a," said Luigi in a cold voice.

"What is it?"

Luigi opened his mouth when the door to Master Hand's room unlocked and Peach came out.

"Bye, Master Hand!" she said cheerily, before turning to Mario. "It's okay. You can go in now. The music is playing again."

"Music?" said Mario, bewildered.

"I like _new age_ music!" sang Peach, tripping over her feet and rolling down the hallway. "La la la… the music… bubble gum pop…"

Mario entered Master Hand's office.

Master Hand turned. "Look! Could you at least LISTEN to what I have to say, Peach? It's simply not WORTH putting a super-surround…" he trailed off, realising that he was addressing Mario.

"Hey!" he said. "Mario! How are you? Sorry, I thought you were that stupid - someone else."

"Everyone seems to be mistaking me for someone or other today," said Mario.

"Is that so, Jigglypuff?" said Master Hand. "I mean, Bowser. No, Roy. Mario."

"Yes-a," said Mario, nodding to show that he was telling the truth. "Everyone is-a mistaking me for someone else."

"Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yes," said Mario. "I've completed the insurance forms."

"And have you made a will? You know, in case the tournaments… not that it'd probably happen, but still…"

Mario nodded. "I have-a the will here."

Master Hand looked at it. "Woah. I didn't realise you had that much. And… ten percent to me?"

"I trust you," said Mario.

Wills are an integral part of murder stories. Oops – did I just hint that there would be _murder_ here? Surely not!

"And all these other donations… **wow**. Fifty percent of your assets going to…?" Master Hand paused curiously. "Are you sure you've thought this through?"

"Absolutely."

"You're giving fifty percent of your assets to-"

"_Yes_," said Mario impatiently. "Don't get worked up at me like that-a. I just happen to owe a lot-"

"Financially or morally?"

"-morally to one of the Smashers. Is that a problem with you?"

Master Hand shook his… (lousy Master Hand, has no head…) hand. "Of course not. It just seems like such a big amount."

Master Hand produced a giant pen and signed witness.

"Thank you-a," said Mario, getting up and heading out. "Don't-a worry. I'm not going to be **_dying_** anytime soon-a."

"Yes," said Master Hand in an oddly calm voice. "You won't be **_dying_**."

Pikachu, Pichu, and Jigglypuff ran past, shouting death threats at Mario.

"Weird-a," said Mario.

Captain Falcon and Bowser ran past, shouting death threats at Mario and screaming madly.

"Perhaps I am-a in more danger than I thought," said Mario, jumping out of a window.

* * *

8.00 AM

Fortunately, when he had jumped out, he had landed in a flower bed. So he spent the next few minutes pacing around the great gardens surrounding the Smash Mansion.

The gardens were well tended, thanks in part to the slave Waddle Dees who Kirby had "hired" the other day.

Not much happened for a while… (psycho strings)

* * *

8.08 AM

Mario was walking underneath the main windows.

**Roy**'**s flaming body landed in front of him.**

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH again!" he shouted.

"Ha, ha!" laughed Roy. "It was just a prank. Which I and my friend played on you!"

Mario stared, shocked.

"Ow…" moaned Roy. "My back…"

Mario stared, shocked.

"…and my face…"

Mario stared, shocked.

"…my beautiful face… NOT THAT I MEANT THAT…"

Mario stared, shocked.

"…and my hair…"

Mario backed away slowly and quickly ran around to the other side of the house, where he was immediately confronted by a large bush. Realising that, indeed, he had fallen into a bush, he extracted his head from it just as **another body came tumbling down, crushing the bush**.

"WAARGH another time!" Mario shouted.

Looking carefully, he noted that it was the pokemon Jigglypuff's body which lay there. Giving it a gentle poke, it woke up.

"Jig?" she said curiously. "_Huh?"_

Realising what had happened, she started bouncing up and down excitedly. "Jig! Jiggy liggly ig puff! Jig jig jig jig jiggly iggly piggly ig!" "_Yay! That was exciting! Nonsense yttrium zirconium compounded per annum seventeen!"_ She leapt at him and kissed him in the face, blushed, and ran off quickly.

Mario stared, shocked.

Coming back to his senses, Mario stood up.

* * *

8.14 AM

He walked back to the main door of the mansion and walked up the regal steps leading inside. Just as he reached the top, however, **a large something crashed down, landing immediately in front of him**.

"Not another non-dead body!" he said, slightly frustrated.

Bowser, who was the large something which had fallen in front of Mario, stood up, coughed, and brushed some talcum powder off his shell.

"You're on-a fire-a?" said Mario, slightly bemused.

"Well, yes," said Bowser. "It's a _long story_." He screamed in a feminine voice and rolled around, putting out the flames. Returning to his normal growl: "You probably don't want to hear all the boring facts in their full glory-"

"No, I don't-a," interrupted Mario, sidestepping around Bowser and into the mansion. Fortunately, nobody else fell from a great height, at least in the vicinity.

"Oh, don't listen to me," wailed Bowser from behind him. "Don't worry about me. I'm not sulking; I won't _bear any grudges_."

* * *

8.30 AM

Time flowed by like a river in a riverbed. I wrote that part as filler.

* * *

8.45 AM

Re-entering the living quarters, Mario encountered Ness and Mewtwo, resident psychics.

"Hey, Mario," said Ness, tripping over his ridiculously large head.

"_Hey, human,_" said Mewtwo, tripping over Ness' ridiculously large head.

"Oh-a no!" said Mario. "Are you two okay-a?"

"_Of course we are, Myrt- I mean, Mario,_" raged Mewtwo (he rages a lot). Mewtwo got up, using Ness' ridiculously large head as leverage.

"Everyone is getting my name wrong today-a," sighed Mario for not the first time.

"It must just be a bad day," said Ness, standing up and accidentally breaking a wall with his ridiculously large head. "That happens to me at times as well."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. Why, once, I woke up and everybody was speaking in opposites. It turned out I had drunk too much sugar the night before. Bye! Hello! Ha ha ha ha! Sugar…" Ness collapsed to the ground, crushing Mario's foot with his ridiculously large head. "Oops. Sorry, Mario."

"_Ness, we could be spending our time doing something more profitable than talking with plumbers. You remember our-_" Mewtwo glanced at Mario – "_our discussing about the dance last night?_"

"Talk psychically," said Ness, and both catlike Pokemon and boy with ridiculously large head fell silent.

Mario passed them by and entered his room, where, instead of finding Luigi who also slept in there, he found the Princess Peach.

"Hello-a, Princess," said Mario warmly.

"Oh, hi!" said Peach, looking at him with the usual wide-eyed expression. "My room seems awfully different right now," she said with her usual straightforward manner.

"This is-a my room," pointed out Mario.

"Ah," said Peach. "But the hallucination-inducing telephone was _so_ sure that it was right…"

Mario wasn't too worried about this rambling, as stupid individual no. 1 (yes, Peach) was known for her frequent lucid imaginings. She was also known for her sweet, high-pitched voice which was, if you'd believe it, so sweet that **UPON HEARING IT YOU'D WANT TO THROW UP OR REMOVE ALL THE TENSION SUCH A VOICE WOULD INSTIL IN YOU FROM YOUR BODY IN ANY METAPHORICAL MANNER POSSIBLE WHILE RIPPING OUT PEACH'S THROAT TO SILENCE HER SO THAT YOU WOULD NO LONGER HAVE TO ENDURE THE VOICE**. Combined, she was one of those crazy people who it was lovely to be around as long as you had a crowbar handy.

"Could you leave, Peach?"

"Do you have any perfume trucks or new age music CDs?"

Mario ignored the obscure question and gave Peach a throw out of the room.

* * *

He sat there for a while, reflecting on his plans for today, before getting up and heading for the door.

He was met halfway by Luigi.

Luigi was blunt. "We need to talk. Outside. _Now_-a."

Realising what Luigi wanted, Mario sighed in resignation and followed his brother down.

* * *

9.26 AM

It was warm outside, but that did little to change the atmosphere.

Luigi was almost _steaming_ with fury, the expression on his face one which indicated that he was not going to back down.

"Why?" was the first thing he said.

"Luigi, I-"

"Don't give-a me your excuses-a!" spat his brother.

"Fine, then, I-"

"Why did you take my money-a? I know that it was-a you."

"Why do even our most dramatic scenes have to include this very obviously faked-a accent?"

"Don't change the subject. I hate you-a! What reason could there be?"

While they were talking Luigi had paced full circle around Mario, who stood still, nervously twitching his index finger.

"I used the money to buy a magazine, brother. It was-"

"Don't lie; I know you hate magazines!" It was true; Mario had been attacked by a magazine in his childhood and had never really been interested in reading them since. He hadn't beforehand either, but it sounds so much more distressing this way, does it not?

"I bought a copy of PlayGameboy for Bowser, Luigi, it is the truth!"

"For _Bowser_?" Luigi's eyes widened. He looked as if he was reaching boiling point.

"Yes-a," said Mario. "I owed Bowser a favour or-a two, so I bought him a magazine."

"But – but with _my_ money?"

"It was all I could find at the time-a," explained Mario.

Luigi gave him a cold look. "I _trusted_ you."

Mario lowered his head.

After a minute, he spoke. "Brother Luigi, can you forgive me?"

"Forgive _you_?" Luigi's voice was ice cold like the floor of the Mansion. "No. _No._ Never will I forgive you-a." He glared.

Mario turned away. "Again, I am-a sorry."

Mario began to walk away from Luigi and the house, his thoughts dazed. He should have _known_ this would happen. Why didn't he steal someone else's money? Like Marth's? Nobody cares about Marth.

Mario heard Luigi call from behind him. "Mario… why Bowser? Why our sworn enemy? What could you possibly owe him for-a?"

Mario began to turn. "Luigi, it is-a simple. Bowser has-"

Mario suddenly felt a stinging sensation. Like an echo, he heard a loud crack like someone slamming a car door the size of a mountain, and then everything went dark. And no, it wasn't because the sun set.

* * *

**(Exit Mario – or does he?)**

* * *

Please R/R and tell plz hoo teh murdurur(s) iz in ur opinion -- Hoogiman

Please read/review and please tell who, in your opinion, the murderer is. Thanks in advance (I'm just being wishful now) – tikitikirevenge

* * *

Www. Hoogi. Brickfilms. Com/Smashmansion/25

* * *


	2. Bags of Sugar

_**25**_

_Everybody dies,  
Nobody is perfect,  
Anybody has secrets,  
Somebody has a deadly one.  
25 people are about to discover just how mortal they are…_

* * *

**By _tikitikirevenge_ and _hoogiman_**

_Forward and legal note by tikitikirevenge:_

I LIKE THE ILEGZL!

By now, you'll probably want to know what crazy stunt I've concocted this time. Well, it's actually quite simple. The Smash Brothers are suddenly and slowly being killed off. Each chapter will focus _mainly_ on one particular character's side of the story. Careful, though. We might not tell you _everything_ in a character's chapter…

* * *

The following chapter was created by **tikitikirevenge** and **hoogiman** and written by **tikitikirevenge**.

* * *

**2 – Bags of Sugar**

_Pichu is a small, rather cute electric Pokemon. He looks like a cuddly, if oversized, yellow rat. His voice is squeaky; like all the other lil' folks, he understands the power of sugar, and he **deserves his fate**._

* * *

12.00 AM

"R u MI HOAME?" asked the character on the television.

Pichu yawned. It was late, and he ought to have been getting to sleep. But if he slept, someone might steal his _sugar_!

Pichu clutched one of his numerous sackfuls of sugar for warmth, but slowly and inevitably, he began to drift off…

* * *

5.40 AM

Pichu awoke to discover that _someone had stolen his sugar_! His precious, precious _sugar_!

Pichu gave an ear-splitting scream and ran around the room at ridiculous speeds.

"Pika?" "_Wha-?"_ Pikachu seemed to have awoken.

"Pichu chi chupa chi! Chiu chu chupa!" "_Someone has stolen my sugar! My precious sugar!"_

At this news, Pikachu sat bolt upright. There was an honour code between the kids in the mansion, and _everyone_ respected each other's sugar rights, even the absolute devotees like Young Link and to a lesser extent, Kirby (of course, Kirby just wanted food in any form).

"Pika pi!" "_That's horrible!"_

Pichu nodded fervently. How could anyone be so cruel? He ran around the room in agitation.

"Pik ikapu chikapika!" "_Stop running on my tail!"_

(During long conversations, I'm not going to include raw Poke-speak but instead just the translations.)

Pichu blushed, and stepped off the said tail.

"Mmph…" came a voice from the doorway.

Pikachu zapped Pichu lightly (mild disciplinary measure… think a smack on the hand/rear). "_Look; you woke someone up with your screaming!"_

"_Don't worry, just a ball of puff passin' through,"_ yawned Jigglypuff.

"_Ha!"_ yelled Pichu. "_It's just Jigglypuff! _She _doesn't care!"_

Pikachu nodded, still a bit dazed and tired.

"_Why all the yelling and screaming?"_ said Jigglypuff, beginning an _extremely_ slow Rollout across the floor.

"_Someone has stolen my precious sugar!"_ yelled Pichu. "_My sugar!"_

"_That's terrible,"_ said Jigglypuff. She reached a quarter of a rotation.

"_Yeah,"_ said Pikachu. "_We're going to try and find who the culprit is."_

Jigglypuff reached halfway point in her Rollout and began to fumble behind her back. "_Well, I was saving this for myself…"_ she said, pulling out a sack of sugar.

Pichu was overjoyed – it was **sugar**! Replacement sugar, true, but nonetheless **sugar**! And what's more, it looked _exactly_ like the bags of sugar he had lost… Jigglypuff must have gone to great lengths to get him an identical bag!

Pichu hugged Jigglypuff, and consequently didn't see the look on Pikachu's face. In fact, Pichu just rolled backwards with his eyes closed, relaxing now that he had _some_ personal sugar after all, now.

Pichu only opened his eyes when he heard a frightened yelp emanating from Pikachu. He spun around to find Jigglypuff hugging Pikachu in the face, making gentle, cooing noises. The ball of puff's sheer volume made it impossible for Pichu to see his best friend's face, so he waited patiently for Jigglypuff to get off Pikachu's face.

Two minutes later, after Pikachu had started making clawing motions and turning blue, Pichu began to sense that Pikachu might have needed help. "_Uh… Jigglypuff?"_

Jigglypuff stopped kissing Pikachu. "_Kisser Bandits strike again! Sorry?"_

It looked as if Jigglypuff was about to dive back in, and Pichu could tell that Pikachu didn't want that (the slightly disgusted look and choking noises were a dead giveaway), so he quickly made something up. "_Why don't you stop hugging Pikachu?"_

"_What do I do, then?"_ said Jigglypuff.

"_Uh… why don't you…"_ Pichu thought… "_go… water the… light bulbs… somewhere?"_

Jigglypuff leapt up with a smile. "_Of course!"_ She hesitated. "_Whose room?"_

Pikachu made motions with his hands, drawing letters in the air. M… E, no, that was an A… Pikachu made another M but, in his confusion, obviously, did it upside down. Mario. Definitely Mario.

"_Mario's room,"_ said Pichu, satisfied.

Pikachu's forehead always made a loud sound whenever he slapped it.

Jigglypuff bumbled out of the room, singing, "Jig jig jig, jig… jiggly jigglypuff…"

Pichu smiled very brightly at Pikachu. Pikachu grabbed Pichu by the tail and dragged him out.

* * *

6.10 AM

The dining room was located at the bottom floor, right next to the kitchen (Kirby thought that arrangement was an act of aesthetic brilliance). When the two electric Pokemon finally arrived there, they discovered (interestingly enough) that Kirby was there. Not much of a surprise, as Kirby was known to stay in that room for days at a time until an ice cream truck arrived outside.

"Pika chu… pik chika puchi," said Pikachu. "_Oh, hi… morning, Kirby."_

"Morning!" said Kirby brightly. "I've been down here for a while, so I made a couple bowls of sugar-infested cereal-"

"Pichu!" "_Yay!"_ said Pichu.

"-then ate them. But then I made a few more bowls for you-"

"Pichu!"

"-but, well, I was hungry," said Kirby. "Pikachu, I'll help you get FOOD mmm…" Kirby collapsed onto the small wooden kitchen table, drooling.

Pikachu ushered Pichu into the dining room, where he waited _very_ patiently for Pikachu to get them some bowls of sugar-coated sugar balls with highly-sweetened milk and some hot (white) chocolate. Pichu, of course, wasn't angry _at all_ for Kirby to be eating that – there was enough for everyone! It wasn't _shared_ sugar that was making Pichu boil with rage…

"Pi pichus…" "_My precious…"_ whispered Pichu, thinking of the evil person who had stolen all his sugar. Pichu so desperately wanted to hunt down that person and reclaim the sugar which he surely deserved.

Finally, after a few minutes of waiting (and Pichu knew that he was a very patient little Pokemon), Pikachu arrived with food. Pichu said "thank you" and "I appreciate your kindness" and then they both leaped at the giant bowl and tried to cram every last globule of sugar into their mouths.

Out of the corner of his eye, Pichu saw Kirby talking to someone. It couldn't be that important, so Pichu just kept eating that delicious sugar…

* * *

6.35 AM

Pichu and Pikachu finished scarfing down their sugar – I meant, breakfast – at the same time. Pikachu got up to put the sugar crusted bowl into the equally sugar-crusted sink in the kitchen.

As Pikachu went out, Link the elf entered the dining room. "Morning, Pichu," he said brightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Pichu, pi chi chu chipi chupi!" "_Link, someone has stolen my precious sugar!"_

"Um… that's horrible!" said Link, who seemed slightly confused by this.

"Pichu!" said Pichu. "_I'm Pichu!"_

"Yeah…" Link didn't speak Poke-speak too fluently, but he got the general gist of it. "So… any idea who the thief is?"

"Pichu," said Pichu, shaking his head. "Pichu chi chu chupa! Pi…" "_No, but Jigglypuff gave me a replacement bag! Exactly the same, too… so kind of her…"_ Pichu smiled, thinking of what a kind and gentle, if somewhat clumsy, figure Jigglypuff (pink puffball no. 1) was.

"Oh, Jigglypuff," said Link with a strange look on his face. He muttered something to himself. Pichu could only hear a few words: "Jigglypuff… course… who else… Pichu's so gullible… innocent…"

At that point, Pikachu came back into the dining room. "_Come on, Pichu! Let's go!"_

"_Go where?"_ said Pichu.

Pikachu shrugged. "_Who cares? We have the whole day ahead of us!"_ He was **wrong**.

They left the dining room just as Kirby was giving a frightened yelp in the kitchen.

* * *

6.50 AM

Pichu drifted off from Pikachu, whose attention had been caught by Marth and Roy, resident… er… I don't think I'm allowed to write that word… resident _censored_. Poor Pikachu.

As a result of this, Pichu was now free to suck up to people – people like Donkey Kong, who nearly tripped over Pichu as Pichu was ascending the stairs to the second floor.

"What the-? Oh, hi, Pichu thing," said DK in his usual low, slow voice. "I didn't see you there, but maybe it's because-" he started to cry- "because I'm so big and fat and ugly… she'll never look at me…"

Pichu wasn't sure how DK could have become so upset – had someone stolen DK's sugar as well? No… Pichu realised that DK preferred bananas to sugar. Obviously, some evil person had stolen DK's bananas.

DK stopped crying long enough to note the expression on Pichu's face. "Oh, what's wrong, Pichu? Unlucky in love as well?"

"Pichu chip chu chupa!" "_Someone has stolen my precious sugar!"_

"Poor thing," said Donkey Kong, who had no idea what was going on. He reached the bottom of the stairs and waved. "See you around, Pichie."

"Pi_chu_!" said Pichu. "_Pi_chu_, DK! Pichu!"_

But Donkey Kong didn't care…

* * *

6.58 AM

Pichu got back to the room he shared with Pikachu, only to find that the wall dividing their room from Jigglypuff's had been forcibly removed (specifically, there were lots of holes in it, some shaped like Pikachu; some shaped like Jigglypuff). Pikachu and Jigglypuff were there, glaring at each other.

When the two bigger Pokemon noticed that Pichu had come in, the atmosphere suddenly became relaxed.

"_Oh, hi, Pichu,"_ said Pikachu.

"_Yeah,"_ said Jigglypuff, "_hi, Pichu. Like Pikachu said."_

Pichu wondered vaguely about what his two best friends had been talking about. Then again, it didn't really matter, did it? Pichu shrugged and moved towards the centre of the Pokemon's room formerly known as "the Pokemon's rooms".

"_Hey,"_ Pichu said, "_isn't today Bowser's birthday?"_

Pikachu and Jigglypuff shrugged. "_Maybe,"_ said Pikachu. "_What difference does it make? There's no way we're doing anything for that monster-"_

"_-I know! Let's make a piñata for Bowser to celebrate his birthday!"_ said Jigglypuff.

Pichu gave a little yelp of excitement. "_A papier-mâché piñata?"_

"_Jigglypuff!"_ said Pikachu, who then whispered something to her. Obviously it was something _very nice_, because why on earth would Pichu's two best friends be angry at each other? The answer – they couldn't be, of course!

Pichu paced around the room, swiping another bag of sugar from Jigglypuff's side (hey, he had lost his, after all) until the two other Pokemon stopped talking.

Pikachu said, "_Okay, Pichu, we'll make a piñata for Bowser's birthday, if it makes you happy. But Jigglypuff, _I'll _organise."_

Pichu danced in happiness and hugged Pikachu and then Jigglypuff, both of whom were his best friends ever.

Pikachu smiled for the first time that day. He said, "_Okay! Jigglypuff, you go get some glue or honey or whatever it is that people use to stick piñatas together. Pichu, you go get some newspaper. I'll clean this mess up, and get some lollies or something to put inside. We'll meet back here a bit after half past. Got it?"_

Pichu nodded and ran out. He heard conversation behind him as it left. This time, it was definitely more friendly.

* * *

7.05 AM

Pichu's first port of call was the dining room. After all, everyone enjoyed reading while eating breakfast!

When he got there, Pichu found Mario and Link sitting there, chatting. "Good-a point," Mario said to Link, nodding at Pichu.

"Yeah," said Link. "Stupid tabloids… hey, Pichu. What do you want?"

Pichu blushed a bit, nervous as he was. "Pich uc hip ipu chu?" "_Can I have the newspaper for a papier-mâché piñata?"_

Link rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I can't see why not; Master Hand always keeps a few spares. Don't know where the _reputable_ paper is, though, someone must have taken it."

Pichu nodded. "Chip up chu?" "_Any other papers, though?"_

"Ask Mario about the _tabloid_ he's reading," said Link, snorting in disgust to indicate what he thought of tabloids.

"Pichu!" "_Okay!"_ To Mario, Pichu then said, "Ip ich, u pich pichu u puchi ip." "_Mario, I and my friends are making a piñata as a present!"_

Mario didn't respond. Pichu realised that Mario was waiting for him to keep on talking.

"Pichu uch pich chi chu pu pip chip pupip chu, chi chup puich… chu chipi uchi?" "_Well, I need as many newspapers and stuff like that as I can get, and your newspaper… well, so can I have it?"_

Mario looked at Pichu inquisitively. "I'm sorry, what did you ask?"

Pichu sighed. "Pichi chipi chu chu chipa chu chu; chu chu; chu chu chuppa chuppa chu chu?" "_Are you done with that newspaper? I and my friends want to use it."_

"I'm-a reading it," said Mario, shaking his head.

Feeling a little let down, Pichu nodded. He walked out of the room, imagining how he'd zap Mario so badly if only nobody else was watching. Thinking of this made him accidentally zap himself (something which Pichu was oddly prone to doing, as it was).

* * *

7.11 AM

Pichu tried Master Hand's office next. When he got to the third floor, he found that Master Hand had left his door open, like he said he always did. Indeed, there was a sign on his door to that effect. You probably already knew that, but anyway, the sign said 'this door is always open'.

"Pichu?" Pichu said, knocking gently on the door before walking in.

"Oh, hi, Pichu," said Master Hand. "Give me half a minute – I'm trying to get a permit to borrow the Pokemon stadium in Kanto. You wouldn't believe how touchy they are! They're trying to get me to clean up their Pokeball storage rooms – it's their _own_ mess, for crying out loud!"

Pichu nodded. He hadn't understood much of that, but Pichu did understand how paperwork frustrated everyone. So he waited for exactly half a minute.

After exactly half a minute, Master Hand looked up. "I'm sorry, Pichu, what are you here for?"

"Pichu chu! Chip pi chu, chu pichu pi!" "_It's quite simple! I'd like to borrow some newspapers to make a piñata!"_

"A piñata?" said Master Hand, raising his fingers because he didn't have any eyebrows to raise. "Well, I suppose you can borrow the papers from last month. They're in the-" He stopped short.

Pichu turned his ears and heard a noise. It sounded like a mix between collapsing furniture and hip-hop.

"Pichu!" said Master Hand urgently. "Get out! Now!"

"Pichu chu chi-" "_But the newspapers-"_

Master Hand tossed a bundle of papers at him, and continued in the same frantic tone, "Pichu, your life is at risk here. NO! _Don't_ take the front door – here…"

The horrible noise was becoming louder; louder…

Master Hand pushed a bookshelf to the side, revealing a secret passage which seemed to lead into a bathroom which Pichu hadn't realised was there.

"Pichu chu chipi u?" "_What's an extra bathroom doing here?"_

"Pichu, RUN!" yelled Master Hand.

Pichu darted into the secret bathroom and wheeled around just in time to see Master Hand slam the bookshelf back into place.

Pichu heard noises; someone talking in Master Hand's room. He couldn't make out the identity of the intruder, but Master Hand sounded very agitated – was the person who had come in going to steal Master Hand's sugar as well?

Pichu had to get out of this secret bathroom before it was late. He looked around at the walls, and spotted a door – strange! That door should lead into the third-floor hallway, but Pichu had never seen a door in that spot! Curiosity getting the better of him, Pichu pushed the door open.

"_Wow,"_ breathed Pichu. The door did lead into the hallway, but it was cleverly concealed just next to the staircase by dimmed lighting and a large painting attached to the door. Ingenious. Master Hand had obviously built this in the event that he needed to leave his room unseen. Or maybe he just wanted a bathroom to himself. Pichu wondered if anyone else knew about this passage. Then, he remembered what he was doing.

The newspapers! He had plenty now! Pichu breathed a sigh of relief, and headed to the staircase. He passed Luigi on his way – Luigi also looked very unhappy. Maybe Luigi had lost his… pizza? What did plumbers eat? Pichu shrugged; it didn't really matter, after all, they were making a piñata for Bowser! What could be better than a piñata?

* * *

7.35 AM

Pichu went back – to his room. All the papers had – matching covers! Pichu dropped the papers – under a clock, and there he saw - a rock! But it wasn't any rock – it was a rock lobster!

Pikachu was talking: "_Jigglypuff, we are not putting _any _kind of insect into the piñata. Only fun things, like toys and lollies. Hey, Pichu, come on in!"_

"_Oh, good, you've got paper,"_ said Jigglypuff. "_Anyway, what's wrong with lobsters? They're fun, aren't they?"_

"_Jigs, lobsters aren't fun. Lobsters are living creatures. We are not going to give anyone a nasty surprise by showering them with lobsters when they break the piñata!"_

"_Fine, be that way. But what about this model aeroplane of yours? Aren't you afraid it will break someone's head when the piñata breaks? Huh? Huh?"_

Pichu waved a bit to get his friends' attention. "_Guys! I have paper!"_

The other two looked at Pichu, smiled, and moved towards him.

"_So,"_ said Pikachu, "_let's get moving! We have a piñata to make!"_

And get moving they did – for nearly half an hour, they worked carefully on making the papier-mâché mixture for the piñata. When Pikachu went out to get some paint for the piñata, Jigglypuff leaned over.

"_Hey, Pichu,"_ said Jigglypuff. "_You can have some more of my sugar. MY sugar. Not yours. It's mine. I certainly didn't steal it."_

"_Oh, thank you so much!"_ said Pichu. He grabbed another bag of sugar. When Jigglypuff turned her back, he quickly grabbed another bag. This was because Jigglypuff was too… uh… too pink to eat all of that sugar, or so Pichu reasoned it, anyway.

Pikachu came back in with lots of cans of paint, the origins of which he wouldn't digress. They all immediately set to work painting the half-dried papier-mâché. Pikachu asked Pichu to help by putting a few lollies in.

It all worked out fairly well.

* * *

8.08 AM

At exactly eight past eight, something extraordinary happened – Fox came into the room looking for a misplaced blaster! Okay, that wasn't exactly extraordinary, but _then_, the most _genuinely_ extraordinary thing happened!

Just at that time, Bowser himself came into the room!

"Ow…" he said. Poor Bowser! Pichu realised that he had found out about their special birthday surprise!

"_Hey, it's Bowser!"_ said Pichu. "_Yay!"_

"_Let's force him into the piñata and kill him!"_ said Pikachu in a strange tone of voice. Pichu knew that Pikachu was trustworthy, of course, so he helped Pikachu and Jigglypuff put Bowser into the birthday piñata.

Pichu wasn't quite sure _why_ they were doing this, but obviously it was to make an even **better** surprise for Bowser! He would be so amazed when he found _himself_ in the birthday piñata! That must be why Pikachu wanted to put Bowser into it! Obviously not a grudge-related reason, of course!

"_Yay!"_ said Pichu. The three of them struggled for half a minute to put Bowser in, but Bowser didn't want to, probably because he didn't understand how special the surprise was!

Suddenly, Bowser made a loud noise and (accidentally, Pichu supposed) kicked Pikachu and Jigglypuff across the room. Pichu smiled because he knew that this was all a non-homicidal game, and waved goodbye to Bowser as the King of Koopas left the room hurriedly.

Pichu turned around and received a shock. Pikachu had been flattened into a wall, with plaster cracked all around him! Pichu raced over to his best friend's side.

"_Okay, that didn't work,"_ said Pikachu to himself.

"_Are you okay?"_ said Pichu.

"_Yeah, I'm fine! Hey – where's that stupid – I mean, where's our 'friend' Jigglypuff?"_

Pichu wheeled around – Jigglypuff was nowhere to be seen. He raced to a window and saw (breathing a sigh of relief) that Jigglypuff had simply fallen outside into a flower bed.

"_She fell into the bushes. It looks like Mario caught her!"_

"_Darn,"_ said Pikachu in an sincere voice.

"_Mario and Jigglypuff are – ew! Eeewww!"_

Pichu did not do mushy. Pichu did not _do_ mushy. Pichu ran away from the window at speeds which defied the laws of physics.

Then again, Jigglypuff _was_ a girl – weren't girls supposed to do that kind of thing? Yeah… Pichu realised that it wasn't that unexpected. Especially seeing as Jigglypuff did that all the time. It was just seeing Jigglypuff do you-know-what (smooching, anyone?) in _front of a bush_ that was… actually, come to think of it, why _was_ that so disgusting? Pichu shrugged.

Jigglypuff re-entered the room with an unsteady gait and immediately leaned on Pikachu for support in a way which – ew! Eeewww! Pichu quickly busied himself by stuffing the rest of the two tons or so worth of lollies into the piñata. When the noises stopped, Pichu turned around again.

He realised that Jigglypuff had a bruise on her cheek which was barely bigger than Pikachu's paw, and the exact same shape. How could she have gotten it?

"_Pichu, the piñata is done. Why don't you go for a walk?"_ said Pikachu. Next to him, Jigglypuff nodded quickly.

Pichu didn't mind the idea of a walk, so he went.

* * *

8.30 AM

Outside, Pichu encountered Kirby, the pink puffball. "Pichu chu!" "_Hi, Kirby!"_

"Wha-? Oh, hi, Pichu. Nice to see you. Certainly not stealing marshmallows from Captain Falcon's pockets."

"You're not?" said C Falcon (stupid individual no. 1). "Oh, well, then all my suspicions of you are void." He walked away, whistling, while Kirby waddled along with him, hand discreetly stuck in a paper bag which the good Captain was holding.

Pichu wandered along… and because we can't give away every detail of Pichu's day right here in this chapter, suffice to say that…

* * *

Time flowed by like a river in a riverbed. I was too tired to write original filler.

* * *

8.55 AM

Pichu re-entered the Smash Mansion to find Ness and Mewtwo walking through a minor hallway together. Okay, Mewtwo was actually _gliding_ along the hallway, but collectively they were walking.

Ness nodded to Pichu. "Hey, Pichu. What's up?"

Pichu opened his mouth to speak, but remembered that the two psychics could read minds. He thought very hard about what he had been doing that day.

"Oh," said Ness. "A piñata. That sounds… quite nice!" He nodded, which Pichu took to mean that he was sincere.

Mewtwo yawned and stretched his limbs. "_Pichu, you foolish and quite utterly inferior Pokemon, your friends are looking for you. They'll be in Master Hand's office in five minutes._"

Pichu nodded; these two were usually right.

"Oh," said Ness, "and be careful, because 'Princess' Peach is loitering on the second floor. Chances are she'll talk to you, so watch out."

Pichu smiled and waved to show them his thanks, then headed for the stairs.

* * *

9.02 AM

Pichu got to the second floor, and almost immediately, Peach went flying out of a door and crashed into one of the walls. "Pichu!" said Pichu, aghast.

"It's okay, little Zap Rat Thing," said Peach, "my head feels more like jelly now!" She giggled at her own wit.

Pichu was confused by this apparent lack of logic, so he turned around and was just about to return to the staircase when he felt something – or someone – tugging at his tail.

"Pichu chu chi!" "_Oh no!"_ he said, spinning around. Luckily, it was only Peach being stupid as per usual. Pichu broke free and went to the top of the mansion and then, following the hallways, into Master Hand's office.

Just as the super-intelligent psychics had predicted, Pichu's two best friends were there, talking to Master Hand.

"What do you know? He's right there," said Master Hand.

"_Well, so he is,"_ said Jigglypuff, putting her hand to her chin in puzzlement.

"_Pichu! You're okay!"_ said Pikachu, smling. "_We were so worried about you! We were just about to check Peach's room to see if she had stuffed you into her pillowcase again!"_

"So, Pikachu," said Master Hand, "now that you've found Pichu, could you stop leaving pawprints on my paperwork?"

Pikachu blushed and hopped off.

"And Jigglypuff, my fingers are _not_ for dancing on."

Looking rather rejected, she hopped off as well.

"Well, I have some stuff to do, so carry on," said Master Hand, suddenly trembling in an uncharacteristic manner. "I'm _third_," he muttered so quietly that Pichu could swear only he had heard it.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff almost forcefully dragged Pichu downstairs.

* * *

9.10 AM

Pichu and his two _best friends_ went for a walk in the large, woods-like area surrounding the sides of the Smash Mansion. Master Hand, Pichu reflected, must have gone to a lot of trouble to get all of these planted. The place was beautiful, and the green-ish light shining through the treetops just added to that lovely feeling.

Pichu sighed in contentment, then noticed that he had nearly walked into an open well while lost in reflection. He rectified his error, and moved on.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff were still whispering something to each other (perhaps it was a surprise for him? Pichu liked surprises).

Eventually, his curiosity got the better of him. "Guys, what are you talking about?"

"I am not a _guy_," said Jigglypuff indignantly.

"And we weren't talking, we were… uh… being friends," said Pikachu. "Of course we weren't arguing."

"Yeah," said Jigglypuff, "not arguing."

"Oh," smiled Pichu.

"Oh, LOOK!" said Pikachu. "Jigglypuff, your, uh, boyfriend is calling!"

"I have a boyfriend?" said Jigglypuff. "Oh, I'd better leave you two alone, then!" She bustled off.

Pikachu and Pichu reached a small pond in the middle of the fake woods. Pikachu sat down and motioned for Pichu to do the same.

"What are we doing?" said Pichu.

Pikachu sighed. "Listen, Pichu, that Jigglypuff is an absolute bim- well, she's silly a lot of the time. You really have to avoid taking anything she says too seriously."

"Why?" said Pichu.

"She's not all that bright," sighed Pikachu. "You know, everyone will be heading back home, soon, and I was wondering whether you'd like to… to go on a camping trip?" Pichu hesitated, prompting Pikachu to continue: "We're good friends, and I'm telling you that it would be a great experience. We might even meet new friends out in the wilderness!"

"Ooh, sounds fun. I'll think about it," said Pichu.

"Good."

Pichu hesitated. "Pikachu… you're so big and strong… don't ever be mad at me."

"Why would I be mad at you?" said Pikachu.

Pichu choked. "Are you going to die one day?"

"Pichu," said Pikachu, "the sad fact of life is that _everybody_ dies. You'll just have to accept it."

"But you're everything that's good about Pokemon! Why?"

"I'm not perfect," smiled Pikachu kindly. "_Nobody_ is perfect, in fact. Why-"

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted, however, by Jigglypuff's return. "Ha!" she said, pointing at Pikachu and pouting angrily.

"Oh, what did I do?" said Pikachu, who sounded rather confused.

"You tricked me!" said Jigglypuff indignantly. "Nobody called me over! You were trying to – to-" They both looked at Pichu simultaneously.

Pichu was giggling as he watched. It was like a tennis match – Jigglypuff said something, then Pikachu did! And what they were saying was silly, too. As if Pichu's two _best friends in the entire world_ would ever argue with each other; it was unthinkable!

Jigglypuff and Pikachu whispered something furiously. Pikachu turned pale, muttered something, then ran off.

"What's wrong with him?" said Pichu, concerned.

"Oh, he's just a bit sick," said Jigglypuff airily. "Nothing unusual," she added, in a strange voice.

Pichu laughed because Jigglypuff's strange voices were very entertaining.

"So can we continue our walk?" said Pichu eagerly.

"Why, of course," said Jigglypuff. She helped him up, and they strode back in the direction of the mansion.

On the way, Pichu decided he ought to ask a question of his friend. "Why do you and Pikachu act so weird sometimes?"

"Well," said Jigglypuff, stopping as the mansion came back into view, "how can I explain this easily?"

Pichu and Jigglypuff sat down on a rock. "So?" Pichu said.

"Sometimes," began Jigglypuff, "a boy Pokemon like Pikachu and a girl Pokemon like me have differing points of view, and we choose to take it out in the most fair…"

Why, wondered Pichu, was Jigglypuff talking about boys and girls? Unless – ew! Eeewww! Pichu covered his ears so that he wouldn't hear anything disgusting!

Pichu watched Jigglypuff's mouth move. After about thirty seconds, Jigglypuff seemed to notice that he was covering his ears, so she talked a bit louder!

Now, Pichu could vaguely make out what she was saying – not good! Pichu started shouting his name out loud to cover up the noise. He looked around in case he read her lips and for a moment, something he saw in a window on the third floor distracted him-

-Jigglypuff bellowed at him in an excruciatingly high-pitched voice!

Pichu buried his head into the ground and finally managed to muffle what was almost certainly a very ugly monologue. He heard a loud popping noise through all that muffling and looked up.

Jigglypuff had fainted from exhaustion after all that shouting. Pichu, slightly worried, shook her a couple of times.

"Wha…?" said Jigglypuff. "Oh… did I fall asleep? Is it lunchtime already?"

Pichu shook his head in amusement, and glanced at the large fancy clock which Master Hand had installed above the front door of the mansion only last week. "It's thirty-six past nine, Jigs."

"Don't call me that," said Jigglypuff weakly. "Ugh… too tired to slap Pikachu… will you do that for me, please?"

But Pichu wasn't listening. His gaze had drifted down slightly, and he saw something horrifying. "AH!" he screamed.

Almost immediately, Pikachu came running through a nearby bush. "Pichu? Are you okay? Speak to me, Pichu! Did that nasty Jigglypuff hurt you?"

"I am _not_ nasty," said Jigglypuff.

Pichu barely noticed either of them speak.

It looked as if everyone else had seen what he had seen; lots of people were blocking Pichu's view now as they stood over… over _it_. Pichu turned back to his two friends.

"…unforgivable," Pikachu was saying to Jigglypuff, his fists bared.

"Guys?" said Pichu weakly. "Look…"

And then they saw it too…

* * *

9.40 AM

Mario looked so lifeless now. Pichu was amazed at the change. Mario's face seemed to have lost that vibrant energy which made him such a lovable person.

"How?" someone in the crowd murmured. Pichu glanced around to see who had said that, but couldn't tell.

A few people were whispering to themselves quietly. A few sobbed. Most stood silently and looked at Mario's body – his corpse – with a mix of awe, horror, sadness, and fear.

Unwilling to let his gaze drift back to Mario, Pichu turned around to look at his friends. Pikachu looked slightly sick. Jigglypuff had a frozen look on her face.

Finally, someone spoke. It was Link, who turned his head towards everyone else, and said, "Mario shouldn't have died like this…"

Everyone bowed their heads.

Link walked reverentially towards the body. "This hole in the back of his head… Mario was shot. No – he was _killed_."

"Doesn't that mean the same thing?" Pichu whispered to Pikachu.

"Shut- not now," said Pikachu.

Link closed his eyes for a moment, saying, "This is beyond wrong. This is _evil_. I will not stand for this. _We_ will not stand for-"

The front door of the mansion burst open with a loud _bang!_, and suddenly Master Hand was there. "What happened?" he said. "I heard shots!"

Pichu was caught up in the movement as everyone parted to let Master Hand see Mario.

Master Hand was silent. Then, in a strangely calm voice, he intoned: "Who did this?"

If anybody knew, they didn't say.

Slowly and discreetly, just like everyone else, the three Pokemon moved away.

* * *

9.54 AM

Pichu's friends didn't talk as they went through the front doors, up the staircase at the end of the hall, and into their room. At least, not to him.

"Not possible…" muttered Pikachu. "Dead… he can't die…"

"Killed Mario…" muttered Jigglypuff blankly. "Death… but who?"

Pichu noticed vaguely that his two friends were staring blankly ahead, not really noticing anything. To get their attention, he jumped in front of them and started waving his arms. "Hey, Pika! Jigs!"

"_Don't call me that_," said both of his friends at once, simultaneously snapping out of their respective reveries.

"Is Mario really dead?" said Pichu.

"Yes," said Pikachu, "he is."

Pichu nodded, and then he completely caved in. He collapsed to the floor, crying, thrashing, and doing all sorts of other lovely things.

"There, there," said Jigglypuff, patting herself gently.

"Aren't you supposed to pat me?" said Pichu amidst his tears.

"True…" said Jigglypuff. "Hey, that's a great idea!"

"_Not_ the time for jokes, Jigglypuff," said Pikachu. "Listen, Pichu, do you remember what I said earlier? About how everybody dies?"

"Yes…" said Pichu, not seeing where this was going.

"Well, Mario died," finished Pikachu.

"So that's why he's dead?" said Pichu.

"Well-"

"So he died of dying," said Pichu in wonderment. "Wow… that must be cool!"

"DYING IS NOT COOL!" shouted the two other Pokemon simultaneously. They then shot amazed glances at each other.

"Oh, okay," said Pichu. "Poor Mario. Did he really have to die?"

"No," said Pikachu.

"He was killed," said Jigglypuff.

"By someone bad," said Pikachu.

"Really bad," said Jigglypuff.

"But don't worry, I'm here to keep you safe from the murderer," said Pikachu.

"I'm going to hunt down that killer and do away with him," said Jigglypuff.

"I'm going to stop all killing in the universe," said Pikachu.

"I'm going to stop people from dying, ever," said Jigglypuff.

"Oh, yeah?" said Pikachu. "Well, I'm going to stop people from ever being _born_, either!"

Jigglypuff scoffed. "Ha! Even if you _could_ do that, Sir 'Oh, look at me, I try to be a substitute father for P-'"

"Oh, so it's about that, now, is it?" said Pikachu. "I suppose you think you're doing a much better job being a friend?"

"Oh, I am! Look at how happy everyone is around me!"

"They're not happy, they _hate_ your little practical joke club-"

"-I do _not_ partake in practical jokes! And what about your tendency to zap people who look vaguely threatening?"

"Out of context!" shouted Pikachu.

"Excuses!" shouted Jigglypuff.

"Liar!" shouted Pikachu.

"Scum!" shouted Jigglypuff.

"PICHU DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU!" they both shouted at the same time.

Pichu, who had been looking left and right as if watching a live tennis match, finally spoke up.

"Guys – the murderer – I think it was the _person who stole my sugar_…"

"How could you suspect me?" shouted Jigglypuff.

"What?" said Pichu.

"Joke," said Jigglypuff, "it was a joke. I didn't steal the sugar."

Pichu giggled at Jigglypuff's joke.

"Um, I'll be going to talk to, er… someone you'd never follow me to," said Jigglypuff. She left the room at unimaginable speeds.

"What's with her?" said Pichu.

"Jigglypuff is the… uh…" Pikachu suddenly was making his 'moral dilemma' face. "Uh, Jigglypuff is just being a girl."

"Oh, a _girl_," said Pichu, understanding.

Then, for no particular reason, he started crying again. For a while, Pikachu patted him gently. Then he said, "Pichu, I'd better go down and talk to the others: see what's going on, you know?"

Pichu nodded. "I'll just go for a walk or something."

"Okay," said Pikachu, "just be careful."

Pichu nodded, and left the room. Obviously, his friends were feeling a bit sad now that Mario had died. At least they didn't _hate_ each other or anything; that would be absolutely impossible!

* * *

10.00 AM

By the time Pichu had reached the dining room, he was confused again. If a nasty person had come from outside and killed Mario, why couldn't the others find that person?

But then Pichu realised… the murderer could be one of the people from _inside_ the mansion!

Pichu gasped, fainted, recovered, fainted from shock again, stood up weakly, fainted because someone had tranquilised him with a tranquiliser dart, then stood up again, all in the space of three seconds.

* * *

"Pichu… Pichu…"

Pichu stirred groggily.

"Pichu, _wake up_!"

Pichu started then looked up. Pikachu and Jigglypuff were both hovering over him, looking worried.

"I'm okay," said Pichu.

Actually, he wasn't; he was still petrified by the thought that the murderer might have been one of them.

"This is ridiculous," said Pikachu. "Jigs, any ideas?"

"We could play a game or something," said Jigglypuff.

"Yeah, good idea," said Pikachu.

"I'll get some stuff to play with!" Jigglypuff ran out.

Pichu stared vacantly at the ceiling. "Pikachu," he said, "do you think that the… the murderer could be… a Smash Brother?"

Pikachu gasped. "ZOMG sHOK!" he said.

"What?" said Pichu.

"Yes," said Pikachu. "I mean… stop talking about death, okay? This really isn't the time…"

Pichu sadly turned around and stared glumly at the bookshelf in front of him. "Sorry," he said.

He heard Jigglypuff come back in. "Okay, the Super Smash Bros boardgame was broken, so I…" she trailed off.

"What?" said Pichu, turning around.

"You… you…" said Pikachu, pointing at the huge dent in Pichu's skull.

Pichu looked around, confused, and then dropped dead.

* * *

**(Exit Pichu – or does he?)**

* * *

Apologies to B-52 for making fun of a song which is obviously very, very serious. Apologies to my friends for raving on about this story. Apologies to all of you for making you sit through this.

* * *

Please read/review and please tell who, in your opinion, the murderer is. Thanks in advance (I'm just being wishful now)

* * *

Www. Hoogi. Brickfilms. Com/Smashmansion/25 


	3. Corner Pocket

_**25**_

_Everybody dies,  
Nobody is perfect,  
Anybody has secrets,  
Somebody has a deadly one.  
25 people are about to discover just how mortal they are…_

* * *

**By _tikitikirevenge_ and _hoogiman_**

_Forward and legal note by tikitikirevenge:_

We are not attempting to profit from the use of Nintendo characters herein. We fully respect Nintendo ownership of said characters. We would like free food, but obviously that ain't possible.

By now, you'll probably want to know what crazy stunt I've concocted this time. Well, it's actually quite simple. The Smash Brothers are suddenly and slowly being killed off. Each chapter will focus _mainly_ on one particular character's side of the story. Careful, though. We might not tell you _everything_ in a character's chapter…

_Hoogiman's note:_

There are some hidden clues you can already gather.

* * *

The following chapter was created by **tikitikirevenge** and **hoogiman** and written by **hoogiman.**

* * *

**3 - Corner Pocket**

* * *

_There once was a young Altean man  
He whisks up a cool with his fan  
He has bright red hair  
and sword moves that scare  
Thy merry whisk bygone wherefore Japan._

_Oh, and he **deserves his fate**._

* * *

6:00 AM

"_Red ball… in corner pocket…"_

He lifted up his pool cue, and tried to calculate an angle that would hit the ball into the pocket of the pool table.

"You'll never make the angle!" said Marth, smirking, "Forget it! Your ball's below the table, while mine's on it!"

"You'll never beat me at off-table pool!" he replied, trying to hide the tinge of nervousness being hinted by his facial expression.

* * *

Roy and Marth are both extraordinarily good pool players. Each day they battle out each other to win the game, as onlooking viewers glance, amazed at the sheer skill that both of the players have. Day in, and day out, they spend their time performing trick shots and other feats with a cue and a pool ball that some professionals could only dream of doing.

* * *

But they've got another impressive trick that can stun the audience nearby: Off-table pool. The game is played exactly the same, except the balls are set up, scattered around the room, as the players have to try and get the balls back up onto the table.

* * *

"You'll never make it, Roy!" said Marth. "You're going to have to lift your ball up on the table and pocket the ball on there! Otherwise, I can just tap my ball a few inches, and win the game!" 

Roy tried to ignore Marth's comments, and try and pocket the ball.

"_I'm going to somehow have to lift the ball up, and pocket it!" thought Roy._

"Luigi! Stay still!" said Roy, looking at Luigi, who came down to watch their amazing game. "Stay absolutely still!"

* * *

Roy hit the white ball so it planted up from Luigi's shoe, rolled up his leg, hit his chin, and then deflected it onto the pool table, hitting the red ball into the pocket.

* * *

"Curses," said Marth. 

"Wow-a," said Luigi, "You really are-a better player than Marth!"

"That is not so!" said Marth, teary-eyed, "That's because he cheated!"

"Now-a," said Luigi. "It seems that Roy is the better player today!"

"No!" cried Marth. "You always thought that I was the better player, Luigi!"

"Relax," said Roy, "You beat me all the time!"

"You've got me into a bad mood today!" said Marth, storming off.

Roy and Luigi looked at each other.

"Wow-a," said Luigi, "sometimes Marth takes things too seriously!"

"Yeah," said Roy. "He's like that often, bad tempered, moody and a sore loser."

"Yeah," said Luigi.

"I mean, he beats me more than I beat him, but when he loses, he takes it really too far!" said Roy, "He'll trash the room just because he loses!"

* * *

6:15 AM

Roy walked downstairs to the kitchen.

"Hey Roy," said Zelda, flipping a pancake. "Want pancakes?"

Some green liquid seeped out of the pancake.

"I'll pass," said Roy, pulling out some cereal from the cupboard.

Roy looked at some of the cereal boxes. Of course, these were all sponsored by the Cokepsi cereal company and Master Hand, to the point of being embarrassing.

"Let's see," said Roy, thinking, "Master Hand's Smash Brothers Flakes, Mari-O's, Kirby Pops…"

Roy pulled out a box with lots of dust cluttered onto it.

"Game and Watch Porridge… figures…"

Roy stared at another box.

"ROY HENTAI FLAKES!" screamed Roy.

Roy threw the box in the bin.

Roy got a box of 'Fruity Yoshis' and a bowl, and walked to the dining room.

* * *

6:20 AM

"Hey Pichu, hey Pikachu, hey Ness, hey Kirby, hey Jigglypuff!" said Roy, sitting down on the giant dining table.

Roy saw a list on the table.

"Hey, it's got a list of all of the 25 Smashers!" said Roy. "The names are numbered!"

Kirby and Ness got up from their seats at the other end of the table, and walked up to Roy.

"There's a number one next to Mario's name," said Roy, describing what was on the sheet, "Pichu has a number two next to him…"

Pichu grinned.

"And there's a number three next to my name…" said Roy, "But there aren't any other numbers next to people…"

"What could that mean?" asked Kirby.

"Maybe it's the people on cleanup duty…" said Ness.

"And there's a big number **25** at the top…" said Roy.

* * *

6:30 AM

Ness, Kirby, Roy and the Pokemon continued wolfing down their breakfast, as Marth stormed in angrily, and sat himself down, isolated away from everyone else. Zelda followed, and sat herself next to Roy.

"Hey Roy!" said Zelda, cheerfully, eating her pancake.

"Uh…" said Roy, trying to ignore Zelda's pancake. "Hi Zelda!"

"What's with Marth?" asked Zelda.

"Oh," said Roy, "I think he's just feeling a bit sore about a pool game he and I just had."

"Ooh, off-table?" said Zelda.

Roy nodded. "Just because he won't admit I'm better than him…"

"I HEARD THAT!" shouted Marth from across the table.

"Woah," said Roy, raising his arms. "I'm-"

"That's _it_!" said Marth angrily. "You, Zelda, Luigi, Mario… I hate you all! And all four of the Pokemon, the Ice Climbers, Fox, Falco, that ugly little Peach, Bowser, Link and Young Link… bloody tryhards… _I'm_ the real hero… Ganondorf, Yoshi, Kirby… Donkey Kong… and that little useless Game & Watch dude… and Captain Falcon, Samus… Master Hand too. I HATE YOU ALL!"

"Sorry," said Roy.

"I'm going to KILL YOU ALL!" yelled Marth. "And you're all going to _die_. And Roy – I'm going to kill you **_third_**."

Roy gasped in shock, and Marth stormed out angrily.

"Kay…" said Kirby, leaning over to steal Roy's Fruity Yoshis.

* * *

7:00 AM

The rush of water sprayed onto hit hair, as Roy started to hum in the shower. As the steam started to rise up, he heard a strange voice in the distance.

_"__Bubble gum pop,  
Woke up one day,  
People went away,  
Mario's guts I had to splay."_

"What?" said Roy. 

He stared blankly, as the water continued to stream onto his body. Roy tried to ignore it, thinking he was hearing voices, and continued to shower.

* * *

7:10 AM

Roy wrapped a towel around his waist as he got out of the shower. He put a shirt on, and then looked at himself in the mirror.

"_Bubble gum pop,_  
_Woke up one day,_  
_People went away,_  
_Mario's guts I had to splay."_

"What?" said Roy, hearing the strange voices again, "This is really weird."

7:40 AM

Roy looked at the calendar.

"Hey!" said Roy, pointing at a date. "This is prank day! So I should do all of the pranks that I've been planning to do to people for months!"

* * *

7:45 AM

Marth angrily trotted about in his room, muttering, 'Must… kill… everyone…'

"Hey Marth!" said Roy, standing outside Marth's open door.

Marth looked angrily at Roy, and sneered, "Hi Roy."

Roy turned around to reach something, while Marth made some childish faces as Roy's back was turned.

"I showed everyone a photo…" said Roy, holding up a framed photo, "…of you and Ricky Mouse at Dinseyland… a week ago… and you're kissing him!"

"Oi!" said Marth, angrily.

Marth charged, running at Roy. However, as he was about to run through the doorway, he crashed into a window.

"Haha!" laughed Roy. "I installed a glass window where your door used to be!"

Roy chuckled a bit, and Marth got even angrier.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SOON!" screamed Marth.

Roy ran off, giggling.

Marth pressed against the glass.

"How am I going to get out? Curses."

* * *

7:50 AM

"Hey Ganondorf!" said Roy, walking up to Ganondorf's room.

"Yeah?" replied Ganondorf.

"Free soup!" said Roy, holding out a bowl of soup.

"Cool!" replied Ganondorf, smiling.

Ganondorf gobbled down the soup.

"The soup has hot chillies in it!" said Roy.

Ganondorf's face went red, like in the cartoons.

"Haha, good one!" said Ganondorf.

* * *

7:55 AM

"Hey Roy!" said Peach. "I've heard you've been pranking people! Can I join you?"

"Of course!" said Roy. "All you have to do is, run into this wall!"

Peach ran into the wall, hurting herself.

Roy chuckled.

* * *

8:08 AM

Mario walked underneath the main windows.

"What we're going to do," said Roy, whispering to Peach, "Is pretend that I'm on fire. So I'll jump off, and you play this fire sound effect!"

"Okay!" said Peach.

"You understand?" replied Roy.

Peach set Roy on fire.

"What?" shouted Roy, "You're not really supposed to set me on fire!"

Roy's flaming body landed in front of Mario.

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH again!" shouted Mario.

"Haha! It was a prank! That I and my friend played on you!" said Roy, chuckling.

Mario stared, shocked.

"Ow…" moaned Roy, rolling around, putting out the fire, "My back…"

"That was funny!" said Peach.

* * *

8:12 AM

Roy and Peach sat in Roy's room.

"Peach," said Roy, "Even though you're stupid and all, in the last 13 minutes, I've found out that you're actually a pretty nice girl!"

"Yay!" said Peach, blushing slightly.

"Do you want to see my camera?" asked Roy, holding up his camera.

"Oooh…" said Peach, "Shiny!"

Peach looked a bit more at the sleek design of the camera.

"It has the strongest flash that any camera has in the world!" said Roy.

Roy took a photo of the wall. The lights from the flash of the camera were so bright, that the wall's colour changed permanently.

"Cool!" said Peach. "Can I have a go?"

"Sure…" said Roy, "_If anything interesting happens, point the camera at it, and take a picture!_"

"Okay," said Peach.

* * *

Bowser ran into the room, through the wall, screaming, on fire, speaking incoherent English. He then grabbed a nearby fire hydrant, and put the fire out, by spraying it all over himself. 

Bowser had a sigh of relief.

Peach took a picture of Bowser. The giant heavy-duty flash shocked and blinded Bowser, so he stumbled into the next room through the wall, starting to scream again. Bowser cursed at Peach and Roy, and a very loud scream continued afterwards, with some strange sounds coming from the next room.

"Weird," said Roy.

"Tell me about it," said Peach, hanging upside down from the ceiling with a viola lodged through her stomach.

* * *

8:30 AM

Roy walked back into the kitchen. This time, most of the kitchen was packed with late-rising Smashers, and people coming back for a second breakfast. He noticed a sleek new modern fridge, that a few of the people were staring at.

"Cool fridge," said Roy, trying to blend in with some of the others.

"Isn't it so cool?" asked Ness.

"Yeah, did it cost any money?" asked Roy.

"We won it in a radio contest!" said Kirby.

"You must have some pretty good luck," said Roy.

Kirby and Ness grinned at each other, appearing slightly suspicious looking.

"Do you want some cordial?" asked Bowser, grinning, holding up a cup, offering it to Roy.

"Uh… sure…" said Roy, taking the cup.

Roy took a sip, noticed the taste, then quickly ran out of the kitchen, spat it out, poured the rest into the bin and ran back into the kitchen.

"Like it?" asked Bowser, sweetly.

"Uh… yeah…" said Roy.

Bowser walked off, offering the cordial to other people.

* * *

8:41 AM

Peach walked in to Roy's room.

"Hey Roy!" said Peach, happily. "You've made my day really good so far!"

Peach held out her hand, holding out a bracelet.

"This is our special friendship bracelet!" said Peach, holding out a bead bracelet.

"Aww… thanks Peach…" said Roy, putting the bracelet on his hand.

"It means that we'll be friends forever!" said Peach, "No matter what happens!"

"Uh… thanks…" said Roy.

* * *

9:00 AM

Link walked in, picked up a glass and tapped a spoon on it.

"Attention all Smashers!" said Link. "The fourth annual challenger fencing tournament will begin at ten o' clock today! Anyone can enter, so come to the gymnasium at ten o' clock!"

A sudden burst of excitement filled the room.

"Hopefully every Smasher can attend this event, because this is one of the big happenings every year!" said Link.

Everyone cheered, and all conversations suddenly changed to the forthcoming fencing event.

* * *

9:33 AM

Roy cleaned of the pile of mess that was formerly called the dining table. He stacked a big pile of plates up, held it in one hand, and scooped up all of the other serviettes there. He walked with the big stack of plates into the kitchen, and stuffed them all in the dishwasher. Roy glanced back at the table, and saw it practically spotless.

"_Clean as a whistle, not a single serviette or a piece of paper on there," thought Roy._

Roy turned his back to the dining room, and then proceeded to start clean out the cereal boxes that were left behind. He then walked back into the dining room, expecting a clean table, but he noticed a list on the table, the same one that he saw in the morning. He glanced around to see if there was anyone there that put the list there, but there was no one.

* * *

Roy picked up the list. 

He read through the list again.

He noticed a tick next to Mario's name.

Roy rubbed his finger on the red tick, to reveal blood on his fingers.

Looking alarmed, he turned the sheet around, and saw written on the back:

_Bubble gum pop,  
Woke up one day,  
People went away,   
Mario's guts I had to slay…_

"That can't be right! The voice- that was… the same thing!" thought Roy.

Roy heard a gun shot, and a blood chilling scream.

Roy dropped the list, ran outside and saw Luigi standing next to Mario, who was lying on the ground.

"What happened?" said Roy.

"I don't know!" said Luigi, panicking, "I was just talking to him, I heard a strange noise, I followed it, and then Mario collapsed! I don't know what happened! I think he's dead!"

"Help!" shouted Roy. "Mario has collapsed!"

Pichu, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, who were roaming in the fake woods came over, and stared at Mario's dead body. Jigglypuff tried to cover Pichu's eyes, but Pichu looked anyway.

"I swear I heard a gunshot!" said Roy.

"I didn't-a hear a gunshot!" said Luigi.

"Puff Iggly Jig!" said Jigglypuff, saddened, "_Neither did I!"_

* * *

9:40 AM

All of the Smashers gathered around Mario's dead body, bowing their heads, saddened.

Link said, "This is beyond wrong. This is _evil_. I will not stand for this. _We_ will not stand for-"

Master Hand burst in through the front door, making a ruckus so loud that everyone looked up at him.

"What happened?" said Master Hand. "I heard shots!"

Silence.

"Who did this?" asked Master Hand, in a suspiciously calm voice.

Everyone remained silent.

A lot of people went away feeling uncomfortable.

"I still can't comprehend how someone could kill Mario," said Bowser.

Some of the Smashers looked at Bowser.

"I mean, he's the glue that holds us together! Sure, he steals the limelight, but we wouldn't be the same without him!" said Bowser, sadly.

"Bowser, where were you?" asked Roy.

"What do you mean?" replied Bowser.

"When Mario died, where were you?" asked Roy.

"I was in the garden nearby. Why?" asked Bowser.

"Don't worry," said Roy.

* * *

10:00 AM

"Everyone!" said Link, in the gymnasium, "I know it's been hard for all of you, knowing that Mario had passed away, but let's try and cheer us up for the moment!"

Roy looked around the gymnasium at the other Smasher's faces. He noticed most faces being glum, some really mournful, some trying to hide the tears, while some trying to make themselves happy by competing in the fencing tournament.

"Okay!" said Link. "I will be the current champion! Do I have any challengers?"

"Hey, where's Yoshi?" asked Roy to Ganondorf, right next to him, "I haven't seen him all morning!"

"Late sleeper," muttered Ganondorf.

"They're going to be shocked once the news is broken to them," said Roy, sighing.

"Okay!" shouted Link in the background. "The first match will be the challenger, Young Link, against me, the champion!"

Roy and Ganondorf stopped talking, and looked up at the match.

* * *

Young Link and Link stood on either sides of the mat. They looked at each other, with their fencing gear on, trying to play mind tricks to each other. Link charged at Young Link, and at about three meters away from Young Link, dodged the attack that Young Link did to him, rolled under his legs and hit him three times before Young Link could do anything.

* * *

Everyone cheered. 

"Any more challengers?" asked Link.

Roy put his hand up. Link was just about to announce the second round, when Pikachu and Jigglypuff busted through the door anxiously, both crying.

"What's wrong?" asked Link.

"Pii Pika Pichu Pika Pichu pi!" said Pikachu, "_Oh no! Pichu's dead! Pichu's dead!"_

"WHAT?" shouted Link, "Pichu too? Who would want to kill both Pichu and Mario?"

Everyone rushed out of the room, except Roy, who had just realised something.

_Wait… wasn't Mario's name numbered first, and Pichu's name numbered second on the list?_, thought Roy.

Roy rushed out of the room, and ran back into the dining table.

Roy picked up the list, and frantically searched for Pichu's name.

"Mario… first… with a tick next to his name…" read Roy.

"Mario died first!" said Roy.

Roy looked around.

"Pichu second… with a tick next to his name…" said Roy, anxiously. "Pichu died second!"

"Roy… third… with a tick next…"

Roy's eyes beamed wide open.

"That's really sucky," said Roy.

* * *

Roy felt a sharp, throbbing pain in his hip. He felt the sharp object pierce through all the way, and felt all of the blood rushing out of him. It took a few seconds for him to register that someone had just stabbed him. 

All of the energy that Roy's body contained became hopelessly drained out, as he got all of the energy left in his body to scream a big, "**HELP!**"

The closest person, Bowser, was in the kitchen, trying to find some medications for Pichu. He ran into the dining room, and shouted out, "Roy's been stabbed!"

Some Smashers came back in from outside the building to come and help Roy. Peach ran in, and looked worriedly at Roy.

"Roy! Please don't die!" sobbed Peach. "This has been the best time that I've had at the Smash Mansion!"

"Me too," whispered Roy.

"Please don't die!" sobbed Peach. "I don't want you to die! You were like my best friend, like, ever, like forever! Aside from Mario and Kirby!"

"Shut UP!" yelled Roy. "I want my last moments to be Peach-free!"

But it was too late. As Roy started to see the black, he spotted what he was stabbed with.

A pool cue. (Duh, duh, duh…)

* * *

**(Exit Roy – or does he?)**

* * *

Please review who you think the murderer is, and give any theories on stuff, like why someone was in a particular place at a particular time. It's always nice to get feedback.

* * *


	4. Devilishly Suave

**_25_**

_Everybody dies,  
Nobody is perfect,  
Anybody has secrets,  
Somebody has a deadly one.  
25 people are about to discover just how mortal they are…_

* * *

**By _tikitikirevenge_ and _hoogiman_**

_Legal note:_

Um, how about… D flat. D flat is a nice note. Combined with F and A flat, it makes a major chord. Nothing illegal about major chords.  
-waits expectantly for laughter-  
Hmm, weird. Must be the acoustics in here.

* * *

The following chapter was created by **tikitikirevenge** and **hoogiman** and written by **tikitikirevenge.**

* * *

**4 – Devilishly Suave**

_Fox is the vulpine leader of the Star Fox team, which basically means that he flies around in this space ship, and some of his anthropomorphic animal friends fly around in spaceships, and they're like 'Fox, help me!'. He can also shoot fire out of his backside, and is a nice, friendly-leader type dude. He undoubtedly **deserves his fate**._

* * *

7.00 AM

Fox was too cool to have to use an alarm clock to wake up. He used his Star Fox brand mobile phone's built-in alarm instead, and this morning, it awoke him to a synthesised remix of the Star Fox theme song.

"Morning already," he mumbled, sitting up in his bed. "Oo-kay… slight headache… but that's okay… I'll just… ugh…"

He flopped back into his bed.

He pulled up his mobile phone and speed-dialled his friend, Falco.

"Hey, Falco," said Fox. "Are you in the area?"

"Yes, of course I'm here!" said Falco over the phone. "My room is right next to yours!"

"Yeah, well," said Fox, "just checking to make sure you haven't _run away_ again, _run-away-er_. Isn't that right, Falco?"

"Fox…"

"_Run-away-er_…" said Fox angrily. Then he laughed. "Oh, it's okay, pal. Just making sure you're okay… and _not murdered_ or anything…"

"Okay," said Falco, hanging up.

Fox sighed, and got up, shaking his head. "Jeez, some people…" he said to himself. "Hmm, I should have some breakfast." And he should have had some breakfast. And he did.

* * *

7.10 AM

When Fox reached the breakfast table, he found Mario, reading the newspaper, and Link, who was staring vacantly at a bowl of oats. He grabbed himself a bowl of Mari-O's and sat down next to Link.

"Mornin'," said Link, not looking up.

"Hey," said Fox, nudging Link, "you're eating oats. Oats are for horses, horse-boy."

"Yeah, well, you're eating Mario-O's," said Link, "and… ah, I give up."

"You're not exactly the king of insults, are you?" smirked Fox.

"Well… uh…" said Link, sweating.

Link threw a sword at Fox. Luckily, Peach dived in the way and took the sword.

"Ow," said Peach.

"Wow! That's real bravery and self sacrifice there! Peach, you should join Star Fox! No wait – Peach, you should be my personal bodyguard!" said Fox.

A pebble rolled onto Peach's foot. The sheer force made Peach tip over backwards, breaking the floorboards below her.

"OW! OOOW! THE PAIN!" screamed Peach.

"…or maybe not," said Fox.

"Haha! Fox likes Peach!" teased Link.

"Horse-boy," said Fox.

Link felt discriminated, and took away a star from the star chart.

"WTF? Since when did we have a star chart?" said Fox angrily.

"Now," said Link.

"Well, if you told me before, I would have been nice!" said Fox, angrily.

"Okay," said Link, putting the star back on.

"Yay!" said Fox.

Link looked away.

"Sucker," said Fox, under his breath.

"What did you say?" asked Link.

"Uh… nothing," said Fox.

"Oh," said Link. "I could have sworn you said 'sucker'."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Fox. "Why would I call you a sucker? You don't suck. You're Link! You've done all that stuff… though," he added, "I've done so much more."

Link sighed, and folded his arms. "What have you ever done, Fox?" he demanded.

"I," replied Fox proudly, "am the leader of Star Fox, the meanest and nicest mercenary thingamajig in the universe!"

"So what?" said Link. "All of the Smashers are pretty good at what they do."

"But it's not just that!" said Fox. "I must be the most popular Smasher too! On Master Hand's web site, I got over 10,000 hits on my profile. _Ten thousand_! IN YOUR FACE!"

"That doesn't mean you're popular," said Link. "Maybe people clicked on the link out of curiosity, because your name is weird."

Fox looked at Link, annoyed.

Link smiled sardonically and went back to his bowl of oats.

Fox picked Link's sword up from the ground and stabbed it into Link's leg.

"My _leg_!" shouted Link. "The pain! What the – why would you…"

"Have a nice day," smiled Fox, standing from his chair.

* * *

7:40 AM

Fox returned to his room to find Marth sitting on his bed, staring angrily at him.

"…and what are you doing here?" said Fox.

"I am _here to kill you_!" shouted Marth.

"Come again?" said Fox.

"Sorry. I thought you were Roy," said Marth, laughing it off.

Fox laughed too. "Good joke," he commented. "I bet Roy'll find that real funny."

"Yep," said Marth, "funny. As I was joking."

"Anyways, this is my room," said Fox.

"Oh," said Marth.

"Roy's is further down the hall," said Fox.

"Oh," said Marth.

"Yeah, sooo…" said Fox.

"I guess I'll just go before this conversation becomes really awkward," said Marth.

"What if it already is awkward?" said Fox.

"Uh… do you want my autograph?" said Marth. "All the Altean girls want my autograph."

"Do I look like an Altean girl to you?" said Fox.

"…oo-kay," said Marth, "this really has become awkward."

He ran out, screaming "KILL ROY! KILL ROY! KILL FOX! KILL ROY!"

Fox slumped back down on his bed, ready to go to sleep.

"Wait," he said. "What time is it?"

He pulled out his Star Fox™ mobile phone which was also a clock. It wasn't even 8 in the morning yet.

"All right… I'll just have to sleep later," he muttered.

Fox got up and left his room.

He found Young Link, Nana and Popo standing there, with their ears pressed to his wall.

"What the-?" said Fox.

"Oh, HI!" said Young Link really loudly, looking around quickly.

"We were just-" said Popo.

"-standing here," said Nana.

"Right…" said Fox. "Okay. That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense."

He looked weirdly at the three kids.

_Walk away, Fox_, said a little voice in his head. _Just walk away._

"Hey, shut up!" said Fox.

"What?" said Young Link.

_Now they think you're talking to yourself_, said the little voice, _idiot_.

"Well, I'm off," said Fox casually.

He started walking, and kept walking for a while.

"Where am I going?" said Fox.

He thought for a moment. Maybe he'd go for a walk outside. He could use a bit of fresh air.

* * *

7.50 AM

"It's great to be outside," breathed Fox, inhaling deeply as he closed the door to the patio behind him.

"Oh, not you," said Falco from somewhere behind him.

Fox turned around. "Oh, hi there, Falco," he said brightly. "Having a good day?"

"I _was_," said Falco, looking pointedly at him.

"That's good to know," said Fox. "Hey, you know what we should do? The two of us should start a band!"

"That's just wonderful," said Falco, arms crossed.

"I can just picture it now," said Fox. He waved his hands in the air as if drawing a huge advertisement. "Coming soon to a stadium near you – Fox and the Star Foxes!"

Falco stared at him, a dry expression on his face.

"So, what do you think?" said Fox.

"Wouldn't Fox and Falco be better?" said Falco, arms crossed.

"Yeah, well…" said Fox.

"And neither of us can sing that well," said Falco.

"Says who?" said Fox.

"Remember last night?" said Falco pointedly.

Samus opened the door, slamming it into Falco's back.

"Ow!" said Falco, turning around.

"Oops," said Samus.

Silence.

"Hi, Falco. Hi, Fox," said Samus.

"Hi Samus, hi Fox," said Fox, laughing.

Nobody else laughed.

…

…

…

Falco hit Fox in the face.

"Ow!" said Fox. "That… that hurt!"

Falco stared angrily at Fox, while Samus looked on amusedly.

"That, really, really _hurt_!" said Fox indignantly.

"Oh, _really_?" said Falco.

"Yes, _really_," said Fox. "I think you were trying to hurt me!"

"I was," said Falco.

"Oh," said Fox.

Silence.

"…that's mean," said Fox.

"I thought it was funny," said Samus.

"Oh," said Fox.

Awkward silence.

"Well," said Fox.

…

"Poke!" said Fox, poking the faceplate of Samus' helmet.

Deathly silence.

* * *

8:00 AM

When Fox woke up, an aroma of aloe vera filled the room.

_"Hmm… maybe I should have turned off the tap in my bubble bath," thought Fox to himself._

…

_"Wait, I don't ever take bubble baths_," thought Fox suddenly. "_In fact,_ _I don't even know where all the bubbling stuff is kept. Which means…_"

Fox looked around.

A suspiciously Kirby-like lamp shade stood in one corner of the bathroom.

"Hey," said Fox, "that lamp shade sure looks like silly ol' Kirby, doesn't it?"

Nobody said anything, so he went on.

"Is anyone in here?" he said.

Nobody responded.

"Oh," said Fox. "Haha, silly me. Just 'cause that lamp shade looked like Kirby I assumed it was Kirby. But actually I'm alone in the room."

Nobody responded.

Fox got out of the bathtub. He was still wearing all of his clothes.

"Hey, why did I take a bath with my clothes still on?" said Fox aloud. "That's not like me. I wouldn't do something that stupid."

He looked around the room, trying to remember how he had gotten into the bath.

"I don't remember turning on the taps," he realised. "In fact–" Recollection of the past ten minutes hit him like a brick. "Samus! That no-good Falco-defending orange-wearing person-killing woman! She knocked me out and dumped me in the bathtub!"

Fox could have sworn the lampshade snickered at him, but he ignored it; he was way too angry.

"I'm going to have to get her back for that," he decided out loud. "I'm going to play the best practical joke ever!"

He stopped.

"…except that she'll shoot me again," he said.

"For crying out loud, stop talking to yourself!" said the lampshade, annoyed.

"Well, _sorry_," said Fox. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but sometimes it just feels natural to talk to myself! After all, if everyone else loves talking with me, why shouldn't I?"

"I don't love talking to you," said the lampshade.

"Yeah, well…"

Fox's voice trailed off as he realised something.

"Wait a minute," he said, "lampshades don't go in bathrooms! You're not a real lampshade!"

"Eek…" said the lampshade. "Uh… okay, you caught me. I'm not really a lampshade."

"Aha!" said Fox. "Knew it. Who are you, huh?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely, I'm… uh… Bowser…" said the lampshade.

"Aha!" said Fox. "I'm just too clever for you, aren't I, Bowser?"

"Yep," said the lampshade in its high-pitched squeaky Bowser voice, "that's right. Why don't you go hit me or something?"

"Why would I want to hurt you, Bowser?" said Fox.

"Well," said the lampshade, "I just ate your favourite… mittens…"

Fox stared blankly. "I don't have favourite mittens."

"Uh… yes you do, and I ate them, with by big scary teeth," said the lampshade.

"What!? No! _How could you, Bowser?_" said Fox. "I'm going to have to play a trick on you _and_ Samus now!"

"It's true," said the lampshade. "And, uh, maybe you should, uh, rip off my limbs and give them to Kirby."

"An excellent idea," said Fox, positively brimming with fury. "Now stay still so I can hurt you!"

The lampshade ran out of the room.

"Oh, no you don't," said Fox, running out of the room after him. If Bowser and Samus and everyone else was going to gang up on him today, he was going to prove to them that he really, _really_ meant business. And how better to do that than to make an example of Bowser?

He kicked down the door to the bathroom (even though it was already open) and strode into the hallway, dripping wet and covered with soap bubbles.

"_Maybe Master Hand will give me a Coolness Award for doing this_," thought Fox.

He pulled out his laser blaster from its hip holster and turned off the safety.

"_Does Master Hand give out Coolness Awards?_" he wondered.

He glanced both ways to see where Bowser had gone, but the hallway was entirely empty.

"Hey, Fox," said Kirby from waist-height.

"Hey, Kirby," said Fox, looking down. "Where did he go?"

"Uh, thataway," said Kirby, pointing vaguely in the distance. "And he took off his lampshade disguise."

"Thanks," said Fox, and he started jogging in the direction Kirby had pointed. How stupid of Bowser to assume that there'd be no witnesses.

He raced down a staircase to the second floor, taking the steps two at a time, swinging his gun wildly around in case Bowser suddenly appeared.

He stopped at the second-floor landing and looked around wildly. Bowser was somewhere in the Smash Mansion, but where…?

"Hey, Fox," said Bowser croakily from behind him. "You wouldn't believe the morning I'm having–"

Fox dived away from Bowser, spinning around in midair, and started firing madly with his blaster.

Dozens of high-intensity laser shots whistled into Bowser's hide, leaving burn marks everywhere. Bowser yelled in pain as, with a hiss of black smoke, he began to smell his own flesh burning.

"Gotcha," said Fox, winking. He spun his gun around by the trigger, accidentally firing a shot at the ceiling, and shoved it into his holster. He took a step back and crossed his arms, winking at Bowser.

"Now was that cool or what?" he said.

"What was that for!?" said Bowser, wide-eyed, staring at the burns in his chest.

"Oh, you want some more, do you?" quipped Fox in the most suave voice he could manage. "Well, that's okay, 'cause I've got plenty more to give, if you know what I mean. I'm a giving monster – I'm the _vending machine of giving_. If you want some, you're gonna get some from me, and it's gonna hurt 'cause I sure know how to give."

"What are you _on_?" said Bowser, taking a step forward.

A step forward! Bowser was trying to attack him!

Fox whipped his gun out and pulled the trigger.

The gun fizzled as the water from the bathtub messed with its circuits.

"Uh-oh," said Fox.

He threw the gun at Bowser. It bounced off Bowser's head and clattered down the stairwell.

"Ow!" said Bowser.

"Um…" said Fox, realising that he'd lost his gun. "Bye."

He ran down the hallway as fast as he could.

* * *

8.06 AM

He finally stopped running, and, slowing down, threw a glance behind him. Nobody was there.

"Well, I showed him," said Fox, grinning. Then his face grew serious – though he had extracted his revenge on Bowser for… whatever it was that he'd done, he was now missing his blaster.

He stuck his head around the corner. Bowser was gone.

"Well," he said, "better get that gun back."

He walked down to the bottom of the stairwell.

"There you are!" said Fox, smiling.

The gun wasn't there.

"There you are!" said Fox, a little louder.

The gun still wasn't there.

"That's not good…" said Fox. The blaster packed quite a punch, and if one of the kids started running around shooting it at stuff, Master Hand might get all worked up.

He dashed up the staircase and looked around wildly.

"Okay… someone took my blaster… that's okay… I can find it…" he said.

He opened a random door and burst in.

"Hey, anyone seen my gun?" he said.

"Pika pi pi pikachu chu?" said Pikachu, which probably meant '_you lost your gun?_'.

"Uh… what I meant to say is," said Fox, quickly putting on the most charming British accent he could, "I was doing a bit of dancing with the devil, and putting on a bit of spark and fizzle. And my blaster, which I don't need as I am so cool that I can fight without it, was moved without my knowledge as part of a fancy, uh, psychological experiment. So if you know where it is, please tell me." He put on Strong-Handsome Face no. 3.

Pikachu stared at him with a confused, worried expression.

Fox winked a couple of times for good measure.

"Pika… chupi ku…" Pikachu shook his head slowly.

"_Iggly jig jig_," said Jigglypuff loudly and menacingly, rolling upside-down.

"Fine," said Fox, switching to I-Don't-Care Face no. 1. "Be that way. I'll find it. I'm just worried some _stupid Pokemon_ might hurt themselves with it."

A bit of dried papier-mâché hit him in the head.

"Ow!" said Fox, and he stepped out of the room and started walking down the hallway.

"Okay," he said to himself. "The blaster has to be somewhere. Just–"

Captain Falcon came running down the hallway in the panic.

"Where is he?" he said. "_Where is he?_"

"What?" said Fox, craning his neck to see Falcon as he ran past. "Hey, have you seen my blaster?" Falcon didn't reply, so Fox shrugged. "Meh."

Well, nobody seemed to want to help. Fox realised that he was going to have to find it by himself.

"That's okay," he said aloud. "I've never needed help for anything in my life."

* * *

8.20 AM

"You lost your blaster?" said Falco, bemused.

"Just shut up!" said Fox sulkily into his phone, as he paced through the various rooms of the Mansion. "I'm your leader, remember?"

"So what?" said Falco.

"Birdbrain," said Fox angrily.

"Um… right," said Falco. He sighed. "Fine, I'll help. Where did you last see it?"

"I dropped it down the stairs," said Fox.

"You – did you look at the bottom of the stairs?"

"Duh, I looked," said Fox. "It wasn't there, Falco. I already said so. Say something useful." Stupid Falco.

"Okay," snapped Falco. "Who could have taken it, then?"

"Anyone, I guess," said Fox. "Mario, Pichu, Roy… not me of course, ha, ha, but really, just about anyone could have picked it up."

"Well," said Falco, "why don't–" He breathed in sharply.

"What is it?" said Fox.

"Nothing… why don't you just go through all the people here and think of who would have the _motivation_ to take your blaster."

"Fine," said Fox. "Okay, Mario. He's the bigshot kingdom-saving plumber, and maybe he's angry at me for winning my last match against him. He could have taken it to disadvantage me."

"I guess…" said Falco uncertainly.

"Luigi, too. He's jealous of his brother, so he could have stolen my blaster to prove that he's better than Mario."

"That makes no sense whatsoever, Fox."

"Well, maybe it was Peach. She's just weird; she'd just take stuff for the sake of it. Or Jigglypuff; she's a bit funny as well. They'd both do something stupid like that because they were bored."

"Uh-huh…"

"Pikachu? Pichu? They might have done it; 'specially the little one. After all, I'm sure they'd love something to shoot with in their little stupid Pokemon games. Stupid. And I bet Kirby would use it to rob a food store." Fox's voice grew angry. "Yeah. Stupid Kirby. He should have tripped Bowser up so I could catch him sooner. Kirby would steal a gun to get food. So would Yoshi. That dumb little dinosaur. What's _he_ ever done to me that was nice? Nana and Popo and Young Link probably would use it to hurt someone. Those kids can be so _violent_."

"Yep," said Falco noncommittally.

"What about the bigger Link?" said Fox suddenly. "What would he do? Maybe he's sick of having a sword and wants a gun!" That was a pretty clever idea, thought Fox. He'd have to write it down later. "Zelda and Ganondorf might also want that blaster for the same reason! Those two are so _annoying_!"

"Mm," said Falco.

"And I bet Donkey Kong and Mewtwo are evil enough to shoot someone with my blaster. They're all _evil_! The lot of them! What about Captain Falcon? Or Bowser? Those two were being annoying to me this morning! And Samus is a stupid stupid-head!"

"Uh-huh," said Falco.

Fox went on. "You know who else is a stupid stupid-head? Everyone else! Marth! Roy! That Game and Watch guy! Um… was there anyone else?" He couldn't think of any. "That, or me or you. Or Master Hand. And I don't think any of us would want to take my gun."

"Yup," said Falco.

"I _hate them all_!" said Fox loudly into the phone. "Whoever took my blaster… why, I'll _kill him_! Or her! Or them! And _painfully!_"

He stood there, breathing heavily into the phone.

"Oh, are you done?" said Falco.

"Yes," said Fox, a nasty grin on his face.

"Well, I'm sure you worked it out," said Falco.

"Were you even listening!?" said Fox, incensed.

dial tone, said Falco.

"I bet you were just ignoring me!" said Fox, raising his voice.

dial tone, said Falco.

"Yeah, well, you know what? I'll kill you too!" shouted Fox into the phone.

Fox hung up.

"Loser," said Fox loudly.

8.29 AM

Fox stomped unhappily into the kitchen, where he was immediately confronted by an amazing sight.

"What… what is that?" he said, jaw dropping.

"Isn't it _beautiful_?" sighed Kirby from next to him.

'It' was a gigantic sleek fridge, sitting right in the middle of the room and taking up a ridiculous amount of floor space.

"Yeah…" said Fox. "Wow, that's a pretty cool fridge." All murderous thoughts were suddenly forgotten as he stared at the marvel of modern engineering.

He glanced quickly to both sides and noticed that there were a lot of people in the room, getting food while sneaking glances at the massive refrigerator.

"Did it cost any money?" said someone behind him. Fox glanced over his shoulder; it was Roy, and he didn't seem to have that blaster on him.

"We won it in a radio contest!" exclaimed Kirby excitedly.

Fox raised his eyebrows at that. A radio contest giving out such massive prizes? "That's a pretty big prize," he said.

Kirby and Ness grinned at each other, as if they knew something nobody else did.

"Iggly jig jig jig?" said Jigglypuff, pushing into the circle of fridge-admirers along with Pikachu.

"What?" said Fox. "I don't understand Pokemon."

"She said that she thought you were outside stealing from Captain Falcon," said Ness, translating quickly in that annoying _nerd_ way of his.

"Oh," said Kirby. "You mean this?"

He reached into his mouth and pulled out a plastic bag full of sticky, half-melted marshmallows.

Jigglypuff clapped enthusiastically and laughed, while Pikachu looked on, disgruntled.

"I was going to use it to demonstrate the fridge," said Kirby.

"Nice fridge," said Fox.

"Okay, watch this," said Kirby.

"Hey, don't you need to plug it in?" said Roy, wiping something off his mouth.

"Actually, no," said Ness, looking quite pleased. "This thing is so extremely efficient in its power consumption, it actually gets energy by splitting atoms! You could stick a glass of water in there and power it for a week."

Everyone stared blankly.

"The fridge is soooo awesome that you don't _need_ to plug it in," clarified Kirby.

"Ooh," said everyone, including Fox. That was a pretty awesome fridge.

"Yep," continued Kirby, "this is the best fridge ever."

"Show us how it works!" said someone who Fox couldn't see over the others' heads.

"Sure!" said Kirby. He pulled the melted marshmallows out of the bag. "Okay, everyone look closely. Melted marshmallows, right?"

Everyone murmured in agreement.

"Okay, watch this," said Kirby, reaching for the fridge handle.

"Excuse me," said Ness, pushing past. Fox glanced at him, annoyed.

Kirby had closed the fridge again. "Now, if we just give it a few seconds…"

Fox held his breath, watching closely.

"…okay, it should be cool now." With a flourish, Kirby pulled the fridge door wide open–

Fox's jaw dropped.

The outside of the fridge had been sleek and elegant, but the inside of the fridge was just… beautiful. It was indescribable. It was wonderful. As he stared upon the fridge, he realised that it was the best experience he'd ever had. This refrigerator, Fox realised, was the Platonic ideal upon which all fridges before it had been unknowingly modelled. It was a perfect combination of colour, sound, smell, touch, taste… Fox sank to his knees in awe.

"Fridge…" he gasped.

Without realising it, he felt himself moving towards the light – that warm, inviting light of the interior of the fridge, which seemed to be talking to him, telling him that everything was going to be all right, it was all going to be okay… he felt truly happy–

Kirby closed the door of the fridge.

Fox let out a breath, and around him he could hear other people doing the same.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Kirby said.

"That's… incredible…" whispered Captain Falcon from nearby.

"No, not the fridge, silly," said Kirby. He pointed at his hand. "The marshmallows. Look!"

And they saw, and they believed: after just twenty seconds in the fridge, the marshmallows had unmelted and returned to their original, perfectly round forms. They were soft and springy, as if they had never melted – there was even a hint of icing sugar on the top. A glazed cherry pierced one of the marshmallows.

"A _fridge_ did that?" said Fox, but even as the words left his mouth he knew it was possible. That fridge was magical…

"Isn't it cool?" said Kirby. "I'm gonna enter that radio contest again tomorrow – I mean, next week. They're giving out a matching stove!"

Fox shook his head in amazement. With a crazy smiled on his face, he backed out of the kitchen…

…straight into Bowser. "Hey," said Bowser, holding up a plastic cup. "Want to try some cordial?"

"Uh…" said Fox. Something about Bowser… had he been angry at Bowser before? How silly…

"It's _homemade_," insisted Bowser.

"Sure, why not?" said Fox. He grabbed the cup from Bowser and downed it in a single gulp.

He considered the taste.

"Tastes… funny," he said after a while. "Not sure if that's a good 'funny' or a bad 'funny'."

"Thanks anyway," said Bowser. He sidled off.

But all Fox could think about was Kirby's amazing new fridge.

* * *

9.31 AM

"Falco!" said Fox, spying his bestest friend. Who was a loser. "I've been looking all over for you! Where were you?"

"With Samus," said Falco.

"What? Samus? Why?" said Fox. "Samus sucks! She never changes clothes!"

Falco gave him a weird look. "So, did you find out who stole your blaster?"

"Nope," said Fox, "but I don't want to kill anyone anymore."

"You wanted to _kill_ someone?" said Falco, slightly worried.

"It was because of that fridge in the kitchen," explained Fox. "It changed me."

"Right, thanks," said Falco, sounding quite concerned now.

"So," said Fox, "what were you doing with _Samus_, huh?"

"Why should I tell you?" said Falco, crossing his arms.

"Uh, because I'm your best friend _duh_," said Fox, crossing his arms too.

Falco muttered something.

"What?" said Fox.

"If you must know," said Falco, "I and Samus were–" He stopped.

"Were what?" said Fox.

"Did you hear that?" said Falco.

"Hear what?" said Fox, glancing behind him. "Are you trying to change the subject?"

A gunshot rang across the grounds.

They looked at each other.

* * *

9.40 AM

"How?" murmured Falco.

"Dunno," said Fox. "That's pretty nasty, though."

Mario was on the ground, with a bullet hole in his head, and he was not moving.

"I think he's dead," said Fox, upon further consideration.

"No, really?" said Samus bitingly, slipping in between them. "Falco, Fox."

"Samus," nodded Falco.

The three of them stood, staring over Mario, as a crowd began to form over the body.

"This is so… surreal," said Fox.

"Yeah, I think this is the first time I've seen a dead body up close… at least, the dead body of someone I know," said Falco.

"Can't say the same," said Samus.

They stared at the body.

"You know, I once killed a man with my bare hands," began Samus.

"Not the time," said Falco.

They stared at the body.

* * *

They were still staring at the body, and now Link was eulogising.

"Mario shouldn't have died like this…" he said.

"Blah, blah, blah," muttered Fox.

Falco shot him a dirty look.

"…Mario was shot," said Link. "No – he was _killed_…"

"Oh, look at me, I'm Link," said Fox under his breath, "I'm so pretentious and nice, oh, I'll just take advantage of Mario's death to tell everyone to be nice too."

"Fox, _shut up_," said Falco.

"This is beyond wrong…" said Link.

"Blah, blah, blah," said Fox.

Samus hit him.

* * *

When Fox woke up, the front flower garden was all but empty. Falco and Samus were still there, though.

"…heard them arguing, though," Falco was saying.

"You did?" said Samus. "Interesting…"

"Ugh," said Fox. "My head…"

"Yeah, getting hit in the face with a metal-armoured hand will do that to you." Samus didn't sound particularly concerned.

"My lovely face…" said Fox.

"So, Fox," said Falco, rudely interrupting him, "who do think shot Mario?"

"I have no idea," said Fox. "Maybe one of Master Hand's competitors?"

"Like who?" said Falco.

"Uh… I dunno, but I'm sure there are plenty of people who want to get this fighting tournament of Master Hand's shut down," said Fox. "Like… evil people. Star Wolf. Or that hedgehog with the whiny voice. They might have hired a professional assassin to come in and shoot him."

"Professional assassin?" said Samus. "Like, a freelance mercenary?"

"Professional assassin?" said Falco. "Like, a bounty hunter?"

The three of them exchanged suspicious glances.

"That's ridiculous, you know," said Samus. "I think somebody would have noticed if a suspicious-looking assassin came traipsing around the Mansion."

"Yeah, well, maybe it was a ninja assassin," said Fox.

"Moving right along…" said Falco quickly.

* * *

10.11 AM

Fox slipped into the gymnasium and people started cheering.

"Thank you, thank you," he said, beaming. "I know you all love me, but really, one at a time."

He noticed that they were cheering at Link, who was competing in a fencing tournament. Which was more broadsword-style than fencing.

"Oh," he said.

The doors flew open behind him, knocking him off his feet.

"Ow!" he cried.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff ran into the room, tears in their eyes.

"Pii Pika Pichu Pika Pichu pi!" cried Pikachu.

"_What_!?" cried Link from across the room.

"What did he say?" said Fox, getting to his feet.

"_Pichu's dead,_" thought Mewtwo to everyone.

Gasps of shock and horror all around.

Pikachu raced out of the room, closely followed by Jigglypuff and then by the rest of the Smashers in a frenzied mass. Fox tagged along near the back, and very soon they were right outside the front door, where they all crowded around another limp body on the front steps.

"Pichu?" gasped someone from nearby.

Pichu's head had been bashed in with something extremely heavy – but there was not a trace of a blunt weapon anywhere.

"That's… horrible…" said Fox. "Who could have done such a thing?"

"I don't know," said Donkey Kong.

"I wasn't talking to you!" said Fox.

"Yeah, well…" said DK, trailing off.

Fox felt something brush against his leg. He turned around and there was Bowser, dashing back inside.

"What are you doing, Bowser?" he called.

"Medical supplies," replied Bowser, dashing in the direction of the kitchen. "He might still be alive."

"Huh," said Fox.

He went around, trying to find Falco amongst all the people.

Instead, he smacked straight into Peach, who was chewing on something.

"Hiya!" said Peach.

"Hey, Peach!" he said. "Have you seen Falco?"

"Uh-huh," said Peach.

"Where?" said Fox.

"Uh-huh," said Peach.

"What?" said Fox.

"Uh-huh," said Peach.

"Roy's been stabbed!" cried someone from inside.

Everybody gasped.

* * *

10.30 AM

Everybody was crowded into the living room. Master Hand was talking.

"Okay," he said. "So, Mario is dead. So are Pichu and Roy."

"Who killed them?" asked Ganondorf loudly.

"Bowser!" said Master Hand.

Everybody gasped.

"Hahaha, just kidding," said Master Hand.

Everybody put their pitchforks down. Bowser exhaled in relief.

"Well, I'm in charge, so I'll just make an official announcement; lay down all the facts," said Master Hand. "Mario was shot out the front at around nine thirty-something. Pichu's skull was bashed in by a blunt weapon of some sort, also on the front steps, sometime after ten. And Roy… he was stabbed to death with a pool cue shortly afterwards."

"Well, isn't that ironic," said Marth. "After murdering me at pool, he was murdered with the very same pool cue."

Peach laughed.

Everybody looked at Peach.

"Don't you get it?" said Peach.

"Wait… Marth, are you confessing?" said Fox sharply.

"Now, now," said Master Hand, "let's not jump to conclusions. The murderer was probably someone from the outside…"

"No, actually," said Link. "I and a couple of others have been asking around. There's no way that the killer could have escaped undetected. The murderer… was _one of us_."

Everybody gasped. Several of the more sensitive people in the room screamed or yelped in fear.

Master Hand was shocked. "One of my hand-picked Smash Brothers? A killer? That's… that can't be… I mean…" He seemed lost for words.

Instantly, everyone started talking amongst themselves, trying to make sense of the horror that this morning had become.

Falco made a motion with his hands, beckoning Fox off to the side of the room. Fox was momentarily annoyed – _he_ was the leader, not Falco – but he followed anyway.

"So," said Falco, looking just as horrified, "one of the Smash Brothers killed all those people."

"Maybe it was more than one," said Fox. "Or maybe it's even a cycle of death! You know? Pichu shot Mario, and then Roy bashed Pichu's head in, and then Mario stabbed Roy with a pool cue."

Samus slipped in to join them.

"What's _she_ doing here?" said Fox.

"Hey," said Falco, "I put up with it when you let that phony psychic join our mercenary team."

"Krystal was not phony!" said Fox heatedly.

Falco clutched his head with his hands. "I sense…" he hissed, "…these ships, shooting at us… are… hostile…"

"So," said Samus, pushing Falco's arms down playfully, "how about them gruesome murders, eh?"

"You seem pretty unconcerned about all this death," said Falco.

"Yeah," said Fox. "Why are you two holding hands?"

"Well," said Samus, "after having killed so much, I've become desensitised to the whole thing. It's kind of fun at times."

"You're crazy!" said Fox. "Mario, Pichu and Roy are _dead_!"

"Everybody dies," shrugged Samus.

"That's _morbid_," said Falco. "And don't you feel sorry for them?"

"I guess," said Fox slowly, "that Mario wasn't quite as virtuous as, say, Link… definitely not Roy…"

"So they deserved to die!?" said Falco. "And what about Pichu? He was completely innocent."

Samus shook her head. "Nobody is perfect."

Falco sighed. "Clearly, we're not going to see eye-to-eye on this…"

"Hey," said Fox suddenly, "if the murderer is a Smash Brother, it could be _one of us_."

"Right…" said Falco, sounding annoyed. "Well, fine. I didn't murder anyone. Fox, Samus, did either of you kill somebody today?"

"I killed a fly, haha," said Fox.

Nobody laughed.

Okay, these people had lost all sense of humour. "…but no, I didn't. I wouldn't lie about something like that."

"Anybody has secrets," said Samus, "and no, I didn't kill any of the Smashers. But I once killed a man with my bare hands…"

"I don't care," said Fox loudly.

The three of them glanced at each other. Tension was brewing.

"You know what?" said Samus. "Just tell him, Falco. Let's not let petty stuff get between us today."

"Tell me what?" said Fox, looking between the two of them. "What aren't you two telling me?"

Falco sighed. "Sure. Okay, I'll tell him… by myself, if you don't mine."

"Sure thing, Falc'," said Samus, politely excusing herself. She walked off, tripping over Yoshi on the way out.

When she was out of earshot, Falco looked at Fox.

"What is it?" said Fox, suddenly worried that he wouldn't like whatever it was that Falco had to say.

"I'm quitting Star Fox," said Falco.

"_What_!?" said Fox. "Why? We're best friends!"

"Maybe for you," said Falco. "All I know is that I'm tired of all this. Sorry, but that's just… yeah."

Fox was devastated. "You're the only funny guy on the team! You can't leave."

"I can, and I am," said Falco. "I'm sorry."

Fox felt a tear slip down his cheek.

"Also," said Falco, "I stole your blaster."

"What?" said Fox, fists clenched.

"I stole your blaster," said Falco, "because I didn't want you to do anything stupid. I saw you shooting randomly at Bowser before…"

"That was _revenge_," said Fox acidly.

"…and I just couldn't stand the thought of you running around with a loaded weapon. I'm sorry." Falco shifted uncomfortably on the spot. "Really. That seems so trivial now, with all these dead people, doesn't it?"

"Yes," said Fox, and suddenly he felt his quiet rage turning into a silent, murderous impulse.

"Well," said Falco, "let's put past differences aside. We're still friends, aren't we?" He pulled the gun out from behind him, and held it out in front.

"Yeah," said Fox, "still friends."

He grabbed the gun and pointed it straight at Falco's face.

"_Not_," he added.

Falco didn't laugh.

"Fox, what are you doing?" he said, sounding worried.

"I'm taking my _revenge_," said Fox. People were still talking around them; nobody had noticed yet. "Nobody messes with _my authority_ and gets away with it."

"Fox, this is madness," said Falco. "You can't possibly want to shoot me…"

Fox shot him in the eye. Falco staggered back, clutching at it, and Fox glanced at his gun only to realise that it was turned to the lowest power setting. He spun a dial so that the next shot would penetrate.

"Augh! Fox! You crazy…" began Falco.

Fox brought up the gun and fired.

Falco dived out of the way, and this time the shot was loud enough that people turned and looked.

Shouting, screaming, yelling, confusion. Fox didn't care. He kept his eye on Falco's moving form and fired again. He missed, hitting someone in the crowd. He pulled the trigger again, but bloodlust was dulling his aim and the shot went askew…

…the laser beam slammed into the room light, frying it. They were plunged into darkness.

"Fox, drop the gun," said Falco's voice from nearby, and Fox spun and fired again. And again. And again.

And then somebody dove on top of him, tackling, and he struggled and kicked and held on tight to the blaster…

…but the person on top of him dodged his haphazard blows, and, in the complete darkness, wrestled the gun from him.

Now that he was calmer, Fox started choking on his own tears. What had he done?

Then, he started choking on the barrel of his own gun.

_I'm choking_, he thought, _someone just shoved my blaster down my throat_.

He tried to say something, but the gun was in the way.

_I'm going to die_, he realised.

And he started flailing wildly, trying to pull the gun out of his throat, but the other person was forcing it down, and all his yells for help were muffled, and he could barely hear himself above the screams of all the people who still thought he was shooting at them. And already, it was growing fainter, and the painful inability to breathe was gnawing deeper into his consciousness. This was what dying was like. He'd always wondered…

Fox's final thoughts were of the fridge–

* * *

**(Exit Fox – or does he?)**

* * *

A/N: Hey, it only took a _year_ to write that chapter… I bet you all forgot that this existed. If you still care, drop a review, talk about suspicious stuff, complain about how morbid this was, or… something like that.  
Who is the murderer? Oh, and how many chapters do you think there'll be? 


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